Lets just do it because it makes us happy.

Forget about everything else, what if we just do something because it makes us happy? Doing something that we believe in, something that gets us excited to wake up in the morning to face another day. What if we lived our life as we want it to be, what if we had total control over our life – like we are the driver and we are driving it to the destination where we want it to be heading.

What if we just took a leap of faith. Yeah I usually scratch my head at that idea too. It is not easy - isn’t it? To even get started is not easy. It’s scary especially from thoughts of various risks that are involved that flashes forward in our mind. Realistically so many things can go wrong. Taking a risk is not easy because its not safe. Generally safe is having a normal established career working for other people like normal people do and working till a certain retirement age where we can have a descent pension to sustain us in old age.

But than lets ask ourselves - Will that work for me? Is that better than taking a chance on my dreams? How does the normal pay off for other people? Would I be happy with that normal? How many things have I done so far that I have regretted? Would it be worse if I woke up one day realising all the times lost and the things I could have done  or regretting the mistakes that I will make that should push me further in pursuing a vision of my future I believe in? Think about it.

Then there is the other thing that makes it difficult to set up our mind to just go for it - the ‘deafening noise’ that confuses us and makes us loose touch with our inner voice. Other people with an opinion on how we should live our life. Those who feel that they know what’s best for us or those who just itch to fix our life or ‘make us great again’ (the Donald Trumps in our lives). It makes it hard for us to focus on the important things in life. It can make us doubt our abilities or the validity of our life goals.

I think we can build the courage to go for our dreams in full force without hesitations, so many people have done it and it has paid off for them a great deal. There are few important things that we need to do. Firstly we have to appreciate ourselves more, we have to start appreciating, acknowledging and respecting the things that make us unique and the things that makes us truly happy. We should get connected with our inner truth. You have to believe in yourself. We should try thinking back to when we were younger and more free - What were the things that made us happy then? What were we really passionate about then? What are some of the joyous things that you have lost along the way which you can bring back? What did you truly believe in? I believe that key to unlocking our great potential for the future lies in our past. We should embrace our past and use all that inspiration to propel us forward.

It’s also about connecting the dots and discovering things that has been consistent throughout our life. Can we see a pattern in things we have been involved in? If we can draw some sort of graph to account for all that we have done in the past, what is something that has been consistent there all along. Consistency is the key, I think it is sort of a key to having a balanced life. If we strive to be consistent in doing more and expanding on the things we love and things that means the most to us we shall always be proud and content no matter the outcome.

 Finally we have to put aside the goal of proving a point to other people or making other people happy. You should do it because you love it. You should do it because it makes you happy. You should do it because you believe in it with all your heart. Forget about the standard definitions of success in this world, our success should be based on personal contentment and satisfaction. Destroy the normal boxes that we are placed in, its a new age of great possibilities and people are redefining the standards and norms. We are at an age where we can create our own paths no matter how isolated it may feel at the beginning of our journey.

You and I just need to keep on doing what we want to do and what makes us happy. Just simply do it. Forget about what the gurus, the experts and the majority says of what we need to do or not to do. Forget about the strategies, forget about all that technicalities. Just go ahead and do it. Not even harsh criticisms and objections should distract you from your pursuit of happiness. You have to believe in the value of what you are fighting for and how it will add value to so many other people’s lives with your courage. But then it doesn’t feel like having courage at all because you were just doing what you love and what makes you happy - making other people happy is a great bonus.

Follow what your gut is telling you to do. Continue to ‘do something’, maintain consistency, continue improving and learn and grow along the way. It’s your life, you live it as you please and as you believe. You create your destiny and your path. Be happy. Do what makes you happy. Go ahead and create that life!

Just get started and continually master the art of improving.

Hi friends thanks for having me in your company. – “sounds a bit fake and like you are trying too hard”. Then how should I start this – “well you just started.” Okay. Hi there readers this week I wanted to talk about what I am trying to do this week – “aha..are you sure anyone want to hear about that?” Okay enough with that. Does that happen to you too when you try to get started on something. The critical voices that is so critical of everything we do. Sometimes it’s those voices that stops us from even starting. But darn it, be brave, puff your chest up to those critical voices and just get started anyways. Maybe by just going ahead, getting started and doing it anyways we can be more experienced enough to realize what needs to be improved as we progress.

Talking about improvement, for the past couple of days I have been asking myself what are some of the things I can do to improve something about me or maybe how I go about doing things. I thought to myself what if I try to at least improve something in a day. Wouldn’t that be productive? Ill be making full use of a day I am given, getting value out of it and not taking it for granted. Most times we are just carried away by the urgent day to day tasks that we forget to make improvements where it  is needed or making important improvements that brings us closer to the achieving of our life goals. I want to change that for myself.

They say that habits are formed in 21 days so what I have been doing is trying to be consistent with it in that period of 21 days and tracking myself. It takes a little bit of effort to do this within that habit forming period – I know because I am not always eager to do it every time when I wake up in the morning. So every morning I am waking up and repeating to myself ‘I am going to improve something’ a few times and once I am all excited, revved up and in the mood, I start searching my mind for something to improve today. For now I am starting with the little things like trying to be a little more tidier and organized, having a good posture or moving about a bit more faster. Very significantly I have been working towards silencing the critical voices and just going ahead getting started and doing things. I have been also trying to have a bit more stamina. Small inconsequential things really, it’s all about tiny steps and bigger momentum.

I am actually doing this deliberately, it’s nothing that just popped up in my mind and I decided to go for it. I would like to make it a habit, the habit to identify areas that needs improving and to work on it. Instead of dreading life and feeling inundated complaining how things are not going the way I would like it to be, I am going to find things to improve and throw my energy into that. I am going to be constructive and work towards continuous improvement, we wouldn’t be able to do that if it is not in our nature so it takes practice. Again practicing on smaller things first.

That’s what the world demands, people who are able to improve things. So we should acquire the eye for improving things. How can I do better? How can I make it work better? Things like that we should think about. Probably in a few months we can ‘master the art of improving’ and we can go ahead and identify bigger things to improve or we can be more strategic with what we want to improve, aligning it to our life goals. Note down your life goals (I have and it’s exciting looking at it) and slowly improve things so we are on the track to achieving them ensuring that nothing stands in the way.

Thanks for your time. I would like to hear from you how much of an expert or how not so much of an expert (like me) you are at identifying things to improve. I really love hearing people’s stories, I get excited and inspired by it. But be warned I might get too interested and cyber stalk you.. ahahahaha.. not in a creepy way. Anyways Happy mastering the art of improving everyone!!

First and foremost: Stop being dishonest with ourselves!

“Now comes the harder part, Nick. I need total honesty from you, it wont work any other way. So tell me everything about your marriage, tell me the worst. Because if I know the worst, then I can plan for it. But if I’m surprised, we’re fuck#d. And if we’re fuck#d, you’re fuck#d.” - Lawyer Tanner Bolt says to Nick Dunne

A quote from the book I am currently reading; ‘Gone Girl’ by Gillian Flynn - very addictive and as clichéd as it sounds - its totally unputdownable.

It is indeed the hardest part to have to admit things – problems, weaknesses, threats, failures and defeat. Its uncomfortable having to not only admit to other people (totally unnecessary if it is none of their business) but also having to admit to our ourselves. In the above situation before Nick can give as honest as possible to his Lawyer all the raw truth he needs to be aware of the raw truth in the first place himself and acknowledge it like ‘yes I am conscious of my problems and where I screwed up.’ Else he would've been like “Oh mahnn, caught me by surprise there! I feel it at the back of mind that there is a problem but I really don’t have a clue what it is. But whatever it is I am sure it’s pinching me in the derriere,” and that’s not good isn’t it.

In my past blog posts, a few times I have talked about the problem with choosing the ‘easier and comfortable’ alternative – at times it presents us with a short term or immediate satisfaction but with long term consequences. In the case of this particular blog post, the consequences of being dishonest with ourselves. Dishonest with ourselves in the sense that we deny ourselves of the raw truth, we are conscious that something is wrong but we choose to be oblivious to it.

Do you at times feel like you lie to yourself? Because I sure as hell do. I prefer to be more irresponsibly optimistic. I lie to myself that everything is alright and their is no need for concern. I hate the thought of wrecking my brains delving into my problems, I fear that I might become too stressed out and depressed. It’s also hard having to analyse things about myself and I am not good with another person doing it for me either. I am very laid back which could be attributed to me being a 23 years old Fijian living in the land of sand and sunshine where life  is idyllically laid back. I often find that it is easier to say “Oh I am fine,” or “Its no big deal,” or “Its not that serious at all, nothing that cant be fixed,” – without a care and a clue of how to fix it.

Reading the book ‘Gone Girl’ has taught me one thing and that is the importance of being honest with ourselves. We don’t need someone else to come and coerce the truth out of us or maybe to actually capitalize on our weak areas and use it against us. We need to take ownership of our ugly truths and use it to fix things about ourselves that we know needs fixing.

It’s totally a personal decision if you want to reword the truth, make it colourful and tasteful for other people but when it comes to telling yourself the truth – you say it as it is – in its ugliest, yuckiest true state. But it doesn’t have to be a demeaning activity where we drain out our self esteem, we should see it as a way of giving ourselves constructive criticism. Not only identifying the areas where we lack in but also thinking of solutions and creating a very strategic action plan for ourselves.

Like what Lawyer Tanner Bolt says to Nick Dunne in ‘Gone Girl’ – if we know the truth than we can plan for it. Being very honest with ourselves give us an opportunity to have a proper insight and perspective into our own flawed life. Having a good understanding of just what we are dealing with helps us to manoeuvre ourselves better around problems making sure that we have control on our life. We are also able to prepare ourselves for the worst and in countering risks. By taking full responsibility we can challenge ourselves to make some changes. We will posses a foresight that should help us to create a game plan – a game plan to play the game better.

So friends let’s stop being dishonest with ourselves. Stand up, be brave and accept your truth. No one can attain perfection but we can do little things to improve ourselves. Let’s be responsible and be honest with ourselves first and foremost. Philosopher Lao Tzu says that “Mastering yourself is power.” You got the power!! Claim your power!!

Moved by Khaled Hosseini’s novels

In continuing with the challenge from the last blog post of turning information and inspiration into action I gave a good thought on what I found inspirational while reading the 2 books by Khaled Hosseini  (his 1st book The Kite Runner and his 2nd book A Thousand Splendid Suns) keeping in mind that I have to channel some of those things I was inspired by while reading into action. The thing is, yes I was inspired from here and there during the course of reading them but I was consumed with the pleasure of reading that after completing the books I had to make some extra effort. I really enjoyed them and its weird saying that because they are books about people having to endure life with so much pain, suffering and profound sadness. Probably a more appropriate thing to say is that I was moved by it. To be honest - and this is to some extent selfish - it felt comforting having to feel peoples pain greater then mine, as it made me feel less of my own miseries.

In those 2 book you can't help but fall in love with the characters despite their flaws and misgivings which is very human. For instance in ‘The Kite Runner’ I found myself criticizing and ridiculing Hassan as being selfish and just too needy. But then as I read on I discovered that their were bits and pieces that I related to and eventually I forgave him because you see most of the time its complicated, we can’t really go ahead and put a simple label on someone as there are so many facets to an individual to be considered.

Despite his books being based in his homeland Afghanistan the stories he tells is not about the war but it is about the ordinary people who are living through such unimaginable extraordinary circumstances, yet despite having all that darkness and despair surrounding them their is still that glimmer of the universal light of hope within them; "And I dream that someday you will return to Kabul to revisit the land of our childhood. If you do, you will find an old faithful friend waiting for you," Hassan writes in a letter to Amir. That quote really made my heart ache. In his 2nd book ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ he shows how strong the human spirit is, that it is able to go on even in the most extreme and painful of circumstances just like how Mariam endured all throughout her life, from being an unwanted child, to being married to a very violent and abusive man, the miscarriages and eventually the sad end to her life.

Is he my favourite writer? He is definitely in that list of my favourite writer, but I haven’t gotten to the point of labelling someone as my most favourite writer and I don’t know if I ever would because I think every writer has a different way of writing which makes them unique. I love Khaled Hosseini’s very visual and emotional way of writing. He takes us on a journey with the characters through his description of their deepest thoughts and feelings and with a very vivid description of the surroundings. Oh and its also remarkable how Khaled Hosseini understands his female characters to the detail in his 2nd book - he decodes movements, mannerisms and actions and explains the feelings and emotions attached to it. Quite remarkable for a male writer to be able to do that, don’t you think?

I often get inspired by subtle things and I transform them into my own context. In both the books I was inspired by how people treated their religious practices so diligently without failing. They would do their prayers every single day as it is required of them and daily it meant waking up early in the morning. They were fully committed to it so I was intrigued by that unwavering commitment and devotion. So for me it inspired me to do things that are required of me even when it its not within the range of comfort. It supports my bid to be consistent and to be single minded when it comes to attending to tasks of great importance. Also in the process to be selfless and to focus on the bigger purpose.

In The Kite Runner; I was really inspired by Baba and how hard-working he was. How he would go ahead and achieve the impossible and always proving naysayers wrong. “But despite Baba’s successes, people were always doubting him. They told Baba that running a business wasn’t in his blood and he should study law like his father. So Baba proved them all wrong by not only running his own business but becoming one of the richest merchants in Kabul.”  He was a hard working man and even when they moved to America he never wanted to accept those food stamps handout saying “I work always. In Afghanistan I work, in America I work. Thank you very much...but I don’t like free money.” I am inspired by Baba’s great example. When in doubt I shall think to myself what Baba would do and I know what Baba always does, he goes head to head with the challenge and come out victorious pounding his big broad chest.
I was also inspired by Hassan and Mariam’s selfless sacrifices. They were very brave individuals and they showed great bravery, also protecting the people that they loved. Like how Hassan would take on a group of bullies in order to protect his friend Amir. Hassan also had this unwavering loyalty towards Amir and I found it a bit stupid that he would do so much for Amir who I felt to some extent did not deserve it, but then its one thing I realized like I have mentioned earlier - the complexity of people. Mariam, dear Mariam lived such a solemn life from the time she was born a ‘Harami’ or unwanted child to her death. She had regrets, she was betrayed, she was looked down upon, she was unhappy and was violently abused and mistreated and you think that she would escape and find some freedom and happiness in her life - she didn’t. She is one of those people who never found that happiness but it is the little happiness that she managed to grasp from Laila and her kids that she felt proud and content enough to make the ultimate sacrifice that led to her end amongst spectators in a Pavilion during the half time of a soccer match. Nobody saving anybody, no heroes, no 11th hour intervention, it was just the end but she felt at peace because she was “.. a woman who had loved and had been loved back,” and it “..was a legitimate end to a life of illegitimate beginnings.” Always we hear the story of people who escape, who gets saved or who survive an ordeal but we never hear the stories of people who never get to see the light or breathe the fresh air. The truth is that these stories exist in abundance however we choose not to hear them because we all hope for the best ending which is good but nevertheless what this stories should teach us and definitely it has taught me is to be more grateful for the simple things in life because some are not privileged to experience such simple pleasures.

With all that I have learned from the 2 books I am going to be making a list of actionable goals. I want to be as silly as possible with those list and I am not sure if I feel comfortable to put it out here in the blog. Well don’t you make notes on your private notebook and dont want others to see them for fear of being laughed at. Well that’s exactly how I feel about my list. So I’ll just keep them to myself. But I have immensely enjoyed reading these books, it was a new sort of material that I wouldn’t have read before but now that I have read them I feel a sense of maturity. I believe that it’s when we try new things out of our comfort zones that we really get to mature. On that note let’s always keep in mind the children of war torn nations, where there is “.. a lot of children ... but little childhood.” For them lets pray for a better world.

Information and Inspiration into Action

There is an abundance of information available out there through a wide variety of sources such as magazines, books, movies, TV shows, internet, that keep us informed and inspired. I should make a special mention of the the information powerhouse – social media - which to some extent act as a source of information and also as the greatest vendor which circulates interesting information.

Like food we can choose information that we feed to ourselves. Choosing of information I feel is somehow similar to how we choose foods that we consume, its often based on our areas of interests, goals, beliefs and values like being vegan or non-vegan or whether we prefer to eat only organic food or if we are okay with eating non-organic food. Information ultimately has an impact on the choices and the decisions we make so its very important to align information with our goals, values, beliefs and also I just thought about it now and I should add because it is very important to consider and that is our visions. Once we have carefully done that; what is next? That is actually something I would like to delve into in this particular blog post.

I like reading autobiographies of successful people, books about survival and perseverance, true to life kind of books that is both empowering and informative. When it comes to movies I also have a similar choice, I like movies that show real people, living a real life, facing real struggles and real problems. I also love documentaries and autobiographies. It is similar on social media too, I go inspiration hunting on social media - one of my favourite things to do on Twitter is to read articles shared by websites like The Entrepreneur and Forbes magazine. They share some really educational, empowering and inspirational information, some very helpful materials. On You Tube I like watching Biographies, Documentaries and also Vlogs by Influencers. Like what Nigella Lawson says about food I find these things very comforting.

I come across some very powerful information but what am I doing with it? Well for most of the times I am just getting informed, get inspired but with no action, just plenty of absorbing which I have figured is really a futile way to be spending time. The other thing is reading or watching is also listed under things we consider as a hobby, it makes us feel good and naturally we are drawn into doing things that make us feel good, it’s the easier and a more comfortable alternative. However the putting into action of it is not often on the feel good and comfortable side of things as it involves getting up and out of the comfortable couch we are sitting on and doing something that is not necessarily within our comfort zone.

So with this blog post I am launching a personal initiative which is a very conscious effort to turn ‘Information and Inspiration into action’ and I would really love it if you could join in with me. So how do we go about doing this? I’ll try to unpack it and make the process as simple as possible below.

Firstly to ensure that the informative and inspirational book that we have just read or the empowering movie/documentary we have just watched really sinks in, we should make ourselves a very honest and candid summary of all that we have gleaned from it. Remember we are writing this for ourselves so lets be honest and uninhibited and squeeze out all the information into paper. Forget about whether you remember or don’t remember few details, just put in all that you know. Summarise them as deliciously as you possibly could. Be creative with how you put them into paper or otherwise be messy and wild with it, do your own thing. Try to make it a feel good activity.
After we have done that the next thing to do before we progress further into the next step is to read all that information that you have just put on paper. Yes, read it first and derive some sense of satisfaction on all that we just wrote. After reading it and smelling the great aroma of our work we shall progress into the next step which is identifying at least 5 actionable goals that we can work towards. You can do more than 5 actionable goals but the thing is we come across a lot of information so I feel that for 1 set of information coming up with a large set of actionable goals would be inundating and confusing. Let’s try to be realistic, honest and also allowing ourselves some room to breathe (very important).

With those 5 actionable goals we shall create action plans. An action plan is where we break it down and be more specific by identifying the what, how and when of our actionable goals. The action plan is exactly what should help us ensure that we are putting information and inspiration into action. What is important in this case is that we put that action plan into some serious action which like many other things in life is not always easy as it sounds.

Occasionally we should revisit those action plans and see if we are achieving it, probably we can go read or watch that same material again and remind ourselves or have our excitement renewed again. These actionable goals doesn’t necessarily have to be huge things, it all starts with small actions and the accumulation of all these small actions contribute to a bigger and more significant impact. I like what Rhonda Rousey says “I am not a Do Nothing Bit##”, and that’s something that we should never do with great information and inspiration – doing nothing with it. We are not just absorbing information but also letting out, turning information into ideas, ideas into action plans and action plans into something of value. We should make sure that all Information’s and Inspirations adds values to our lives and others lives as well.

I am interested to hear how you ensure that all the information and inspiration you come across doesn’t go to waste?

Fresh & Fabulous After Fifty - Part 2

This post is a continuation from last week’s post (obviously) which I felt ended slightly abruptly. Well the thing is I wanted to do this lovely title some justice which I felt I wasn’t giving it while writing last week and I just told myself; “hold up right there, let’s form some coherent thought on this subject and come up with a part 2.” I went ahead with posting part 1 because I have been trying to achieve consistency and the personal goal is for me to post at least 1 blog post every week which I have proudly done for 2 weeks now. For now I am trying to find my blogging voice and become more comfortable in sharing my thoughts to the world through this blog, it’s kind of like exercising, building blogging muscle and strength.

Now that I have gotten that out of the way I shall move on to the main subject which is looking at the inspirational lives of people above the age of 50 who are fresh and fabulous starting with the famous home cook who still glows on screen at the age of 56 - the oh so lovely Nigella Lawson. I love the domestic goddess Nigella Lawson, and she was one the main inspiration, kind of like the seedlings that produced this fascination and appreciation of wisdom shared by people above the age of 50. Nigella is beautiful in a way that is timeless which is the kind of beauty that lasts long, simply as I do often advocate for – a beauty that is both inside and out. She has this aura that is both natural and goddess like. She preaches to the world about comfort through cooking and eating food and she naturally gives this very comforting feeling to audiences through her personality.

There is so many things I believe we can learn from Nigella. She is like a force of nature that is not intimidating or restricting but is harmonious. Looking at her life and career it can be said that she is someone who has always done what she wanted to do because it feels good and not because she is aspiring to some great goal of accomplishment. She aligns herself with life situations and continues to progress forward in a very natural way.
Nigella’s life story is a complicated mix of both tragedy and privilege. She was born to a wealthy household; her father Nigel Lawson was a prominent politician in Margaret Thatcher’s ( the iron lady of Britain) government and her mother Vanessa was a well known socialite. Her quite wealthy family background is not really what propelled Nigella to become who she is known to the world for because she also had to endure some very painful circumstances in life with her parents divorce, her difficult relationship with her mother, the death of her mother, sister and 1st husband to cancer in the early years of her life and the most recent infamous divorce from ex-husband Charles Saatchi. It is her strength and talent that naturally made her become the most beloved author and television personality internationally and also making her an immovable elegant force of nature. She is a reminder of how unpredictable life is, we never know what’s coming next and all we can do is to always come back from set backs in top form and to never get beaten down by anything in life. Another lesson we can learn from her life story is that being privileged is never an excuse to do nothing but instead we should all be striving to do something we can be proud, something that we love. Vinaka Nigella Lawson – that’s Fijian for ‘thank you Nigella’. I am thanking her just in case some miracle happens and she reads this post. I know silly me but I would really like her to know how much I appreciate her for being a superwoman.

From Britain moving onto America, I have got to talk about Oprah Winfrey. Oprah is Oprah, the big O who is just an extraordinary human being. She is super successful no question about that, Oprah Winfrey is rich. She is not only rich and fulfilled materially but also spiritually too. Oprah is a greatest example and also a preacher of a purpose driven life; seeking that purpose, trusting that purpose and fulfilling that purpose. I love how connected she is to her inner being and how spiritually aware she is. Oprah years ago ended her most successful Television career just to launch into an even bigger career which is starting OWN Network. That is what this post is about which is as long as we have that breath of life  to continue to strive towards exciting adventures and bigger things regardless of how old or how young we are. With Oprah and likewise all of the people I have discussed so far, the key is authenticity and just being our best selves.

Then there is the lady who will soon be running the world - Hillary Clinton. Running for President at that age gives me so much motivation and strength. I admire her stamina and I want her stamina. Just recently, despite suffering from Pneumonia she continued on her campaigning events just to be taken to hospital during one of those events and there is footage showing her collapsing into her car.  The other proof of her stamina was when she was scrutinized in the Benghazi trial for 11 hours. Another aspect of Hillary Clinton is ‘courage’, - she has shown tremendous courage while facing up to all that she  faced in her life and that is the courage I would like to posses. I am certainly looking forward to seeing America’s first female president taking office.

It’s been such a long post isn’t it. As you can see I am very enthusiastic about this subject, it’s kind like me taking time out to think of the very long term which I am very excited about. By looking at these peoples examples I am getting to set myself long term goals. There is so much we can learn from older people out there and as young people we should take a time out and learn. If you are reading this I would like to hear from you; Do you have any people over 50 who inspire you? How do they inspire you? Please do share.

Till the next post please take care and keep on dreaming.

Fresh and fabulous over fifty - Part 1

This week I am excited to share how I have been getting inspired by remarkable people aged 50 and above who are proving that there is a great life to look forward to during our middle age and beyond. These are people who are living life to the fullest and show no signs of ever slowing down anytime soon. They look great as ever and even with lines and wrinkles here and there - which they embrace and never try to get rid of. Its their youthful spirit that just shines through overshadowing every other thing that might be of concern to other people who don't embrace old age yet they just float through elegantly. A good sense of humour, playfulness and a continued yearning for adventure is what makes people remain fresh and fabulous after the age of 50.

For us young people its important that we look to older people for inspiration because they have lived it longer and they sure do have much wisdom that we can use as we progress on our journey in life. There is so many things that they have figured out and maybe by listening to them we may get to realise what are the most important things in life that we should be focused on.

There is so many people aged 50 and above out there who are rocking it fresh and fabulous and we can even find them in our very own communities and its important that we go out and find them, have a cup of tea or coffee with them and just talk about life. For this post however my list of fresh and fabulous people after 50 consists of mostly internationally well known people who I am a fan of and who’s approach towards ageing I admire and also setting great examples of how life is to be lived. Information about them is abundantly available on the internet so maybe the next time you search for what Jenifer Lawrence is doing you can also look Hellen Miren up.

Some of those that I find inspirational above the age of 50 are Nigella Lawson, Oprah Winfrey, Wendy Williams, Julianne Moore, Dame Judie Dench, Helen Miren and Oprah Winfrey.

First let's talk about the beloved Helen Miren. I love Helen Miren!! Have you seen the trailer for ‘Collateral Beauty’? Oh my gosh she looked absolutely stunning. In an interview with The Guardian she talks about growing old and she says “The reality is, you either die young or you get old. There is nothing in between.” She futher adds on that the best thing about the 2nd option which I personally prefer is that “...The longer your life, the more you have to remember, and.. have amazing memories.” For Helen Miren at that age it’s a well known fact that she has a steel grip on her career, I love the strong characters she continues to play and if you read up on her interviews you will notice that she has a good command on her life. It is her honest opinions, authenticity and sense of humour that I find endearing about her. She is not afraid to voice out her opinions and is comfortable to express herself. She is not pretentious and she just serves it up as she sees it and as it is. When asked if she felt beautiful she gave an answer that I found very comforting; “I hate that word (beautiful) Kate Moss is beautiful, so is David Beckham, and I can appreciate a beautiful girl walking down the street. Young is beautiful. But the majority of us are something else, and I wish there was another word for it." But does she feel that she looks better now than she ever was “Oh no, I definitely don’t look better now than when I was young. Definitely not. Of course I looked better then. The great thing that happens as you age is that you don’t really give a flying fuck. I don’t look so good, but I don’t care.” That’s definitely a very comfortable attitude to have and it requires inner confidence like Helen Miren to say "You take me with my attitude or don’t have me."

Another L’Oréal Ambassador and actress who’s approach towards life I love is Julianne Moore. In this very globalised world that we are in we young people are conditioned to strive to be as successful and accomplished as early as possible in life. I myself feel this internal pressure as if I am racing against time. I set myself lofty goals to achieve before I turn 25 and all my life plans are due by the time I turn 30 whereby I shouldve accomplished all my goals. So reading about people like Julianne Moore who are slowly but steadily enjoying success and accomplishment is heart warming. "I don’t think that early success really serves anybody. What are you going to do for the rest of your life? What do you aspire to? It’s all about doing work because you like doing it. That’s what will sustain you, rather than doing it for fame or recognition." Those were her words in an interview with The Telegraph and it really changed my perspective, like I get to loosen the strings a bit and allow myself some room to properly breathe and live more mindfully with much contentment too. To take life each day as it comes. She goes on further saying "I’ve learnt that you have to appreciate every minute. Don’t wish your life away. Be present..If you’re 50 you’re never going to be 50 ever again so enjoy being 50.”

To be continued next week....

*Sorry but I'll see you next week friend, I got to go now but I really would like to talk more about this properly. Coming up next week I'll be discussing the Domestic godess Nigella Lawson, beloved Dame Judie Dench and the big O, Oprah. See you at this very space same time next week. 😊 Please feel free to give your opinion as to how we can prepare for a fresh and fabulous life after 50 or maybe you can share people who inspire you.

Okay than byeeieee, take care and all the best in whatever you get to do.

Thick Skin and an Internal Cooling System

The Nasty People

At times we find ourselves placed in situations where we have to do the tango with people who linger in the moments of making our life a living nightmare. Some people are just mean and awful. People who provoke bad feelings and negativity. Sometimes I feel that the world would be a whole lot better if these people vanished...pfffhh!!..gone. “Wow Kaliova thats some strong words to say", well yes cant help it, I am just human and these are just natural feelings that I feel in the moment of heat. I know some you would agree with me that there are people who push us to the bottom of our humane self, to the point where we are not so much merciful and compassionate in our wishes towards them. For me its just a wish and I would never want it to materialize.
Okay the underlying issue here that I am trying to discuss is that there are special people who occasionally come into our lives that we need to create a defence system against. These are people whose atrocious behaviour towards us is fuelled by personal deficiencies or some pure form of hate, things that we have no control over. The ones who just want to destroy us, the ruthless, heartless nincompoops who seem to be made out of steel ( but they are not because somewhere in there somethings wrong) and just oozes toxic chemicals out of their mouth ( someone should create a special mouth wash for them ). Like what August Waters deliciously says in the movie ‘Fault in our stars’ “Pain deserves to be felt” therefore strong feelings needs strong words to be felt.
Now like I said before their actions towards us are driven by things beyond out control like racism, sexism, facism and all those other bad forms of ‘..isms’, ‘..ations’ and ‘..phobias’. Also they could be jealous, threatened or intimidated by our natural awesomeness. Yes! Those kind of people!
So what do we do when they are hurling fireballs at us and trying to destroy the Kingdom that we have been trying to build. How do we bear their wrath and how to come out of it a victor? What we need is a thick skin and an internal cooling system or else we will crash and burn baby...boom..crash and burn but that will not happen with a thick skin and an internal cooling system.

Thick Skin

Growing a thick skin is basically not internalising the cruel negative remarks or negative behaviour of negative people in our lives. It’s receiving an atrocious comment on our left ear and then letting it exit from our right ear without processing it in between (in our mind). It’s not easy I get it, I struggle with this myself. I get a cold rush over me in such situations and so it is a challenge for me to practice not internalising and giving negative remarks a second thought. You know with haters, it’s never us with the problem, it’s their problem they want to be hateful and they should deal with it themselves. So having a thick skin is to have a thick layer of protection around us that protects the ‘nasties’  from our internal being, that we may be unaffected and unbroken through all the turmoil we face.

Internal Cooling System

An Internal Cooling system sounds cool right? Even more cooler is the fact that it’s not that complicated at all. In the moments when nasty negative haters are coming at us with their awful wrath that it increases natural body temperature to Arabian desert hot we need to zone out and imagine that somewhere in our core or soul there is a large fan that emits the coolest and nicest breeze. Don’t just imagine that fan, switch it on. Yes, switch that thing on and stretch out your arms like you are Rose (or Jack) in Titanic. That imaginary cool breeze is just the thing to keep us from exploding.

My dear friends the foundation for having a thick skin and an internal cooling system is self preservation, self confidence and contentment. Our utmost priority should be to preserve ourselves and our dignity, create a strong fort against all odds. Preserve and protect our dreams and aspirations, stay focussed on the bigger picture. Be confident and content at all times. Life is cooler when we are confident and content.

Love always,
Kaliova

Hello Its Me Again.

I have been nervous of writting my 1st blog post for this year. So tonight I have gathered some strength to atleast come out of my shell and say 'Hello!"

Finally I have Graduated with a Degree in Economics and Finance a few months ago on March 14, yes I will always remember that date because it was the special day I have been working so hard towards for the last 4 years of my life and 6 years if you include the 2 years in highschool as a senior student praying for an entrance into University. I am proud of that moment.

I am so relieved that chunk of my life has been done and over with. Back then I have always tried to imagine how life would be at this very moment of my life I am at now. I have been making plans and goals to be worked towards after graduation back then with so much hope and passion.

That time is now. Now its time to do the exciting work, put things back into perspective, make actions and bring imaginations and dreams to life.

Let's go....

What did I learn about myself to never be repeated? (As Oprah asked J.K Rowling).

Last week was a very tough week, something I feared the most actually happened. I took a risk, fully aware of the consequences from the beginning and I actually thought I had it handled. Clearly it's obvious now that everything went so wrong and the situation got out of hand, thus the reason why I was messed up for 1 week. From the beginning my gut kept on telling me that I shouldn't get too close with these group of people and very importantly not to give my trust to them because they might misuse it. I never want to be used; I hate the feeling of being used. It's degrading and it irritates me. I was defeated, the trolls misused my trust and I had to face some tough consequences. I am so thankful to those who truly matter and care for coming through for me in that very difficult time and helping me go through it.

Now before going through these series of events I watched Oprah Winfrey and Author J.K Rowling's interview ( & thank God I did because it helped me deal with this situation better) and one question that stood out for me was Oprah asking J.K Rowling; "What did you learn about yourself to never be repeated?" It's this same question that I asked myself as I was undergoing the consequences of the risk that I took.

Asking myself that question first of all helped me Calm Down and even though it was very challenging at times I wanted to come out of this ordeal as calmly and graceful as possible. Thinking about that question made me think deeply about the whole event very constructively. I made a few important mental notes on what I have learnt and what I should never ever be repeating again. I was anxious every single day of how worse this problem could turn out but then doing other things and keeping myself busy and happy helped eased the suffering. Personally I am a person who highly prioritize living life fully everyday and I seldom allow anything to keep me from doing just that. I also told myself that this situation should make me a better person and it should prepare me for the bigger things in life which might come with equally bigger problems.

So what did I learn about myself that I hope to never repeat ever again?
I will never associate myself with fools again. I will toughen my defense mechanism and protective barrier against bad associations. I am talking about the messed up people who are deeply entrenched in leading messed up lives and are enjoying every bit of pulling other people into their messed up world with their manipulation and ruthlessness. Zero tolerance for them period.

I know that there are many people out there in the world who have been pulled or maybe potentially pulled into messed up situation through manipulation. Hence I think it's very important that we be cautious of being manipulated emotionally. A simple solution would be to never tolerate any kind of nonsense at all, and always be using our head over heart in situations where our gut tells us it's risky. It's like a battle trust me, just like the movie that is made by Steve Harvey's book 'Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man", we have to be on our toes protecting ourselves from being played and thrown under the bus for some else's pleasure.

Life is more enjoyable and productive when we live our lives with positive people leading positive lives and adding a great deal positive value to our lives. So friends be happy but beware at the same time.

Novel Update 01: A Pen, A Paper & Some Great Ideas

I want to write a book! Like Chimamanda Ngozie Adichie, Kathryn Stockett, Elizebeth Gilbert and J.K Rowling. This idea of writing a book was conceived last year after watching the promo video for Beyonce and Jay Z's 'On The Run Concert'. After watching the video, ideas and images started exploding in my head like fireworks and I could even feel the intensity of some of the major scenes that will be in my Novel. Ever since than I have clutched on to it tightly, never letting it go.

The Novel has had its name changed 2 times. I first named it 'Together they did' but then I changed its title to something that is of personal significance to me, it carries great sentimental value. The novel is actually based on the lives of 2 teenage boys (One 20 years old and the another 19 years old) who have a strong chemistry and as the story progress form a bond that goes beyond anything that they have been shown to be acceptable and normal in the small community they come from. It follows their journey as they defy all odds that stands in the way of their happiness and to live their true self. 

So far my writing had the intensity of the video above but then it also had some essence of a Nicholas Sparks novel. That's until I read the book 'The Help' by Kathryn Stockett and it just tottally changed my mind on the direction of where I wanna take this novel to. That book somehow made me despise the Nicholas Sparks themes. I feel that the the story line should be more authentic and addresses real issues that prevail in the society and in this case with regards to the LGBTIQ community. So far I have been enjoying every minute of reading 'The Help'. The book takes out those awkward to look at and talk about dirty laundry and sun's it out. The struggles, hardships and alienation suffered by the characters in the novel 'The Help' is something similar in nature to what the LGBTIQ community faces. Uniqueness has to be acknowledged; in some ways we can say that the African Americans seeking freedom had it harder and also in some ways too the LGBTIQ community has it harder.  I want my novel to document the real lives of LGBTIQ individuals living here in Fiji. Their moments of joy, sadness, their insecurities and also their triumphs. 

I have been feeling guilty of being super imaginative and inventive with my novel. Then I come across J.K Rowling who is all about the exploitation of the imagination. J,K Rowling a billionaire author whose work has not only been made into a series of hugely successful movies but also into a theme park, making the world of Harry Potter come to life.The Harry Porter books sold more than 350 million copies worldwide. In the book J.K Rowling also used her life experiences to inspire the characters, setting and events. For instance the Dementors which sucks the life and happiness out of the living was born out of the time when she was going through clinical depression. In an interview she vividly describes what depression is like and that is the same illustration that I had in my mind. I even wrote this long post on Facebook with similar words and description that J.K Rowling used. I never was a big fan of Harry Porter growing up nor was I interested in reading thick books back then. Now I am at the right age and mindset to devour that all Harry Porter books from 'The sorcerers stone' to 'The Deathly Hollows.'  I am scheduling it in my reading list. I am reading a variety of materials now just to give me a range of models on how to write a good book.

For now I created myself some writing goals and improvements and they are listed below: 

• Get more acquainted with writing using pen and paper to not only note down my ideas but to actually write drafts and finals copies. This is for more flexibility, enabling me write wherever and whenever.
• Have a more neater and readable handwriting.
• Consistently write for mental health and also to further sharpen this writing skill of mine.
• All blog posts to be handwritten. Again for flexibility in creating content and we can focus on further sparkling up the content on the computer. The backbone and the soul should be on pen and paper. Inspired by J.K Rowling. 

Till then, I shall continue to write. Simply write. All I should need is a pen, a paper and some great ideas. 

Successful People I am Stalking This Month.

I have this special hobby of stalking successful people and personalities that I love. I would watch all their interviews and biographical videos and also updating myself by binge watching or reading some of their works. Thanks to You Tube and the Internet it's easier to do this and I am able to have an endless reserve of amazing people to choose from.

The reason behind why I am drawn to stalk a particular person usually differs and it depends on my situation whether negative or positive. I also like to watch people who validate the fact that my struggle or my current life situation is normal and I can overcome it triumphantly. Very importantly it teaches me how to become a better person, that person may show me traits, skills or qualities that I would like to embody myself. The fact that I have a lot of people who I follow means that I can never be labelled a copy cat.

This month I am following 3 special people and they are Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche, Vanessa Williams and for the second time making it to my list it is the fabulous Tyra Banks. I love all these women; they are Iconic, full of wisdom, persistent, resilient, talented, hardworking and they are all survivors. 

So what draws me to these 3 ladies? (Hmmm good question)

Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche.
One of my goals for this year has been to read a lot of books, engage in them and feel the messages that emanates from these books. I hope that by reading books I could become more wiser, articulate and intelligent. Another one of my goals is to start writing a Novel and that is slowly coming along, unfolding beautifully. So I feel that with these goals it's important for me to follow some talented authors and read their work. I came across Chimamanda on TedTalk where she made a powerful speech about Feminism and latter on her name was permanently registered in my mind after Beyonce used parts of that very Speech in her song 'Flawless'. So these goals that I have perfectly align with all that she has done and what she represents. I also like the fact that she is a person who digs deep and critically thinks about human lives, actions and events. She deeply thinks and talks about human behaviors and human communities. I do just about the same thing she does and the subjects she talks about are the very subjects that interests me. Among my friends I like to do that kind of talking but it's really nice to listen too and converse about such things. Chimamanda is a friend I would love to have and the very kind of writer that I would love to be. I am planning on reading her book 'The Yellow Sun' soon (after I finish reading 'The Help') and also watch it's movie adaptation. I hope to read all her other works soon.

Vanessa Williams
I have always loved Vanessa Williams as not only is she very beautiful but also because she is so entertaining to watch. Even though she played this mean character Wilhelmina Slater on 'Ugly Betty' I loved her on that show and I felt that she was one of the draw cards to the show itself. Even though I was a big fan of her work, I have never took an interest in delving more into her personal story and to know more of who she is as a person until very recently. I came across this CNN article talking about how the Miss America Organisation apologized to Vanessa for the controversy that made her give back her tittle 10 months into her reign as Miss America of 1983. It was something that the CEO Sam Haskell said that really drew me to Vanessa and made me wanna know more about her story. He told Vanessa: "You have lived your life in grace and dignity" and for me to be able to do that even through demeaning controversy is really admirable because it takes so much strength. I want to be able to do that and I have to admit that after going through all of Vanessa's interviews and bio's I have learnt so much and I feel very confident and ready to take on any negativity that comes my way.  She also discussed a lot about excruciating rejection and hate and how she dealt with. I feel stronger now more than ever after listening to her. She is someone who was persistent and continued to prove to others her worth. I love Vanessa and her story her resilience and hardwork.

Tyra Banks
The fierce and fabulous Tyra Banks is back with a new Panel talk show similar to 'The View' called 'The FABLife'. I have done a major stalking of her in the past. I had this phase that lasted for months where it was just all about Tyra Banks. She has an inspirational and a powerful story. Many of you who would have watched Tyra would agree that she is a uniquely entertaining gem to watch. She makes you feel good. She can make you laugh and she could also make you cry. She is a genuine human being who is beautiful in the inside and the out and is uplifting millions of people out there with her realness. She works so hard to redefine the perception of beauty and she is a big sister who stands up to big bullies out there who try to degrade people's self esteem by making the spectrum of beauty very narrow and unattainable. Also the story of her struggles at the beginning of her career and how she overcame all those adversities she faced is reassuring that there are many doors to success and just because one door is closed at you doesn't mean its over, if nothing convinces you than her story should be a good proof of the possibilities. I would like to re look at all these videos again reaffirm to myself some of the great messages that I have learnt from the flawsome, fierce and fabulous Tyra.

Do you like to follow people? Who do you follow and why?

Can we really get over that special someone?

As I come home from school in the afternoon on Wednesday last week, a friend who also lives under the same building as me delightfully greets me, the kind of greeting that someone usually gives when they need something from you. Apparently he did need something from me; he needed an advice on a problem that he has been facing. I am usually flattered when people ask me for advice and I am more than willing to offer abundantly provided that I have some to offer. This was not the first time that he has asked for advice from me and I remember the last time I was very sure and more passionate with my response.This time around I was caught off guard because I wasn’t able to find any answer. For the 1^st couple of minutes after he asked his question, I just stood there looking into his eyes, with a smile on my face as I couldn’t really figure out at that moment how to solve that problem because I myself was struggling with solving my own similar kind of problem. I don’t know about you all but for me I can’t really prescribe a medicine that I myself don’t personally understand. So what I did was try to unfold layer by layer what the situation at hand was for him so I asked him questions just to get a better understanding. What happened was we ended up both laughing at ourselves because as he opened up more I couldn’t help but admit to him that we were exactly on the same boat. 

Through that conversation with that friend of mine I discovered how difficult it is for some of us to get over that special someone. I am always telling myself that I am better than how my special person treats me or how I feel that he values me to be. I try as hard to get that person out of my mind but it is difficult. I am always thinking about him every other 2 days. When he sends me messages I am on top of the world and I get this huge smile on my face. I tend to blush too. I am aware of how unfairly he treats me and how I am way better off without him anywhere close to me, my mind is clear and I am able to focus on all my dreams and aspirations. He claims that he is a realist and likes to shoot me down many times when I get too enthusiastic about something. He makes me feel dumb too most of the time. So what I would usually do is I work hard at proving him wrong. Everything that I do I do it with the awareness that he is looking and I am always acting in a way that would make him have a good image of me. I know this is all so sad but then he does have some good sides to him like the fact that he is so intelligent, passionate, humorous, full of energy with a big personality. If you ask me do I still like him; oh hell yes I still like him but the thing is "Us" is not possible in this lifetime because he is moving ahead into greener pastures. I dream about him a lot of times, its like he is haunting me. Okay, yeah it's kinda that bad! We still do talk every now and then and I try to make things look like everything is alright and I am unaffected. 

Has things at least improved a bit over time? Yeah a bit. I don't think about him as much as I used to. I am not that obsessed. The reason being is that now I have strongly determined in my heart that I am going to do me, I am going to pursue my dreams with a greater force and that is my one and only priority. So all else have been swept to the back of my mind. Having that mentality has helped me. At the end of the day we have to choose our happiness and that requires us to think rationally. We need to appreciate all the things that we have and give our heart, mind and soul to what truly matters.Self confidence also helps. We need to be confident with who we are and in the decisions that we are going to make. Be confident enough to know that you deserve way much better. I think I have said this before but then I am going to say it again; We should never let other people or circumstances define who we are and how happy we can be. Never let that power slip from us. You should grasp that power to yourself, own it and embrace it. So therefore my dear friend go ahead and Be Free, Be You and Be Happy.

Cheers to a new beginning friend!

Fixing yourself after a shattering heartbreak.

I personally define heartbreak as the loss and suffering incurred after an investment of ourselves and our happiness in another highly valued entity comes to an unfortunate, sad ending. Obviously I cooked up this definition in one of the Finance classes that I take. You see if we think about it some similarities can be found between the subject of trading in financial securities and human relationships. First of all, they both  experience volatility (the Ups and the downs) and it's pretty much a normal phenomena in the case of them both. Secondly they both involve investment of assets or valuables with the expectation of good returns. In finance we invest our material wealth and in human relationships we invest our emotional, spiritual, physical and mental wealth. In both cases the more we invest, the more risk we are taking; the risk of facing the unfortunate end and painfully losing all that we have invested. In the so called 'The end'; a dreadful and an exhausting flood of emotions consumes us into a state of sadness, pain, despair and hopelessness. Our life comes to a halt! ...... Sounds a bit too solemn, and to continue with solemness we shall no longer because this post is about snapping out of that state and diving back into life. These are my own personally cooked up advice with some crazy ingredients from a few bad experiences. Enjoy!

Advice 1: Feel the hurt and accept the truth. 
This has to be the 1st deed that needs to be done. It's the hardest part, but then you have to come to terms with what has just happened. No more lying to yourself, no sugar coating at all; the real, honest and raw truth needs to be embraced. The situation needs to be approached in a neutral state of mind, meaning that you are not going to blame yourself too much unless you deserve it and you are not going to blame the other person too much unless that person deserves it. This is where you are honest with yourself and you are going to hold accountable whatever needs to be held accountable and see it as it is. Be as honest as possible and these honest thoughts as hurtful as they are should guide you as you cry, cry and cry, and come to terms with what has happened. I suggest that you don't listen to any music at all when you are in this stage because songs are highly likely to alter your true feelings at this vulnerable stage of your life. Also avoid watching those love story kind of movies, like the Nicholas Sparks ones. It's just going to exacerbate the problem. Your intention should be to learn and grow from this experience, not damage yourself.

Advice 2: Do not forego self care while grieving. 
It's easier to be hurt physically then it is to be hurt emotionally. We can bandage a cut on our body and then continue with our daily routine because we still have that mental strength and spirit to continue. With a bruised spirit we can't really do much. Yet no matter what situation, we will always have some reserve of strength inside us and that is the energy that we should use to slowly build ourselves up again, starting with taking care of ourselves while we are hurting so much. As you cry remember to take breaks in between to drink water (drink plenty of it) and to eat too (don't overeat, I know some of y'all binge eat, don't do that to yourself darling!). I have come across people who just lock themselves up in their room, eating nothing and drinking nothing at all. That's just self torture right there. Yeah I understand that during these times even the most scrumptious looking food becomes less appealing to us, but still you need to feed your body with the most essential vitamins and nutrients. Another thing you shouldn't avoid is taking your bath, brushing your teeth, combing your hair, wearing clean clothes and putting on some perfume before you chill. I remember my first experience had me looking and smelling like a cave man. Trust me being filthy and foregoing good hygiene just contributes more to the misery you are in. We need to be healthy and clean in order to process all those strong emotions in a healthy and helpful way.

Advice 3: Slowly let it go and step back out in to Life. 
As much as we wish that things could've been more different, or a bit more perfect, the end is the end and the truth is the truth so you need to set yourself free. This is the point where you isolate yourself no more. Choosing the people who you turn to at this point in your life is very important. Spend time with your family and call up your most closest and understanding friends. Call on people  that you know will listen to you and not judge you or make you feel worse than you do. Take heed of my advice when I tell you: Do not call up or hang out with friends that have alcohol and drug abuse problems (No! No! Nada!) and stay 50 feet away from them too. Do not push yourself too hard at this point, go slow and go at your most comfortable pace. This is a great time for you to engage in some fun physical exercise or even better do some yoga and meditation. Watch Movies that shows people overcoming great life obstacles and finding themselves and their true passion again. The feel good kind of movies that shows hope and new beginnings. My favorites that I felt were very helpful in my healing process were: Eat, Pray and Love, Wild, Unbroken, The Fault In Our Stars and The Hundred Foot Journey. I would also suggest watching those movies that takes your mind of your problems and makes you think about the sufferings and injustices that other people around the world are facing. It would be very helpful to be aware that there are people out there who are in more worse situations. By now you should feed that urge to plug some earphones on by listening to songs that elevate your confidence level, listening to those happy upbeat songs. Another great thing to do is joining local events, charities, networks or organisations that are doing good work for other people in your community It's a known fact that when we do good things for other people we get to derive from it a great level happiness and satisfaction. What's really important is that whatever you are doing you are releasing yourself from the clutch of misery and doing something that makes you feel good about yourself.


Advice 4: Power jump back on track and groove to the beat of Life.



You have survived! You are a survivor! Now its your time to shine and let the world know that you are coming back from this ordeal stronger, wiser and better than ever. Re-look at your life goals and your ambitions, now its time to pursue them with a greater force. Direct all that energy and inspiration that you have gained from that experience towards achieving greater things in life. What is also important is that you don't make those same mistakes again hence you need to create a healthy defense system that protects you from a similar kind of trouble in future. It is usually during difficult times that we discover so much about ourselves. I personally think that some bad experiences made more accepting and loving of myself which is the same thing you should because at the end of the day it's just you and yourself whom you got to deal with hence you need to celebrate and love yourself first. Hold your head up high and continue walking towards the many victorious and exciting things that life has in store for your great big future.

How do you best deal with heartbreak? Do music and movies have an impact on how your deal with heartache?

Vinaka,

Kaliova

Maybe it not that complicated.

At times when everything is simpler, still the mind plays up and make it look more complex. So Today I got myself thinking 'what about if it was just as easy and simple as.....?'. There is always complications somehow, every now and then. Yes I like to think of all these challenges as part of the greater plan but then sometimes I think it is just the mind being over melodramatic and creating more hurdles and obstacles that are not even there.

So this is actually 1 week away from finals for me and I have been studying slowly. My exam timetable is just perfect. Its as if I sent a request to whoever organizes those timetable and they granted my request. If I had to plan my exam timetable, I would have planned it just like that. I have a good 2 weeks left to study. I have been studying the hardest unit of them all which is 'FM303 - International Finance' because for the other 2 units I am also taking;  'Intermediate Microeconomics' and 'Environmental Economic' I feel that for both of them I can confidently say its "It Handled" (like how Olivia Pope say's it).

While I was studying today something crept up in my mind and then things just seemed to get a whole lot more complicated. Maybe its because of the lack of sleep, I think it is. Anyways so all this pieces of puzzles are flying around in my head. I had a lot of decision making to do, few compromises to make and some next steps to take. After a while a I went off to sleep on top of the study table because there was just too much thinking going on. When I woke a few minutes later I realized that there are just simple solutions to solving these problems. I finally resolved to just follow the easiest step, like derr it shouldn't be as hard as it seemed to me anyways. Again the advice that I gave to myself again; "Just do the Work! Simply do the work that needs to be done and let all else figure themselves out...Goshhh".

For this finals, I am just going to do the work, everything else will be sorted after finals. I have dreams and I will focus all my energy on accomplishing my dreams right now too. 

Cheers! XO XO. Wishing all the readers a simple and happier life!

  

Have or Have not: We are all unimaginably powerful!

Once me and a good friend of mine +Mesui Toganiyadrava discussed about how this world seems so unfair. We were both at the lowest points in our lives, we were exhausted and feeling a little bit hopeless. We emotionally and reflectively talked about how for some people they seemed to be given everything in life; the talent, the natural good looks, good relationship, wealth, intelligence and confidence. Whereas for other people like us we have to struggle and endure so much pain in this world. That conversation had to be one the most memorable conversations, it was very intimate and it really defined my friendship with that person. It was also a defining moment in my life, from then onward it made me very accepting of reality. I think it pushed me a step closer to maturity.

As we grow older, we start to get a lot of bruises and I think that makes us react to situations in a much more deeper way. I go to church and during praise and worship sessions I usually watch older people as they dance, cry and sing passionately and I know that's because they have lived long enough to get as many bruises that they need healing. Some things can build us up and some things can break us down if we are not spiritually prepared for it. From that day I had that conversation with my friend about unfairness in this world, I underwent a journey (nothing fancy...just a bit like a spiritual journey) that led me to this blog post.

My perception has changed since then. With this new perception I feel that I have become more confident and content with all that I have been given in this life. I think we must not be intimidated by anyone because at the end of the day we are all flawed human beings. We should not to get disheartened seeing other people having it good in life because like my inspirational beauty queen Michelle Phan  says in one of her videos; most people like to showcase their best lives but that doesn't mean they don't have problems so lets all go ahead have a smile on our faces. Let's showcase to the world our best lives. Whatever unfavorable situation we are in, we should always be optimistic and forward looking with a vision of what our best lives will look like once we have gone through that trial. See it as a test, see it as something that will make us become a better person, better at what we do. When we get punched in the face, let's stand back up stronger and continue fighting the good fight. Another problem we have to deal with is the naysayers. Yup the naysayers, they can be really frustrating to deal with. What I usually do is to take the negative power that they emanate and use it as a force to prove them wrong. 

Whats really interesting about each one of us is that we are uniquely created. We should all seize that uniqueness and make the best out of it. I heard from somewhere that it is not about how much we have but what we can make out of the little things that we have. I think that God rewards those who are grateful. With a simple pencil and a simple book, we can write a best selling book or draw designs that becomes a successful fashion life. I think that talent is not just singing and being able to win gold in a sport. Talent comes in all varieties of shapes and sizes. Talent is a product of love and passion. Like Beyonce say's in one of her videos "Once you realise the thing that makes you passionate and the thing that makes you stay up at night, the thing that you would fight for..once you realize those things and you are working towards that...its preety much HAVING IT ALL!!"  

So may you be filled with so much love and positivity & always remember to live your best life. 

Cheers!! 

Dealing with MayDays.

It's the month of May, and for me ever since school started this year I have been very nervous about facing this Month. The reason is because a lot of things in my course assessment for the Units I have taken this semester falls due this month. From the beginning I have always been anxious thinking about how this month will go down especially with assignments and minor exams falling due almost every week.

Prior to facing the challenges of this month, on the last week of April I called for a mentoring session with my mentor Dr Vanisha Mishra Vakaoti  who offers a great professional mentoring service. I just had this gut feeling that I needed to call for a session, because it was the perfect opportune time to utilize such a service. I needed someone else to tell me that the situation lurking around the corner then could be handled. Even though somewhere within me I knew that I could successfully complete this hectic month but then I just couldn't get myself to figure out how to do so because my mind was just too congested. So that's why I needed to have another person uplift my spirit and give me directions.

I had to carefully plan my goals for the mentoring session. I prepared questions in advance so that I could gain as much as possible from that session given that it lasts for a good 1 hour. I also made sure that my questions were very relevant and honest. I really needed the mentoring session to be successful. The mentoring session turned out to be more bountiful than what I had expected it to be. The 3 key messages my mentor shared with me were to; 1) Remain calm, just do the work, avoid panicking 2) Create study time as sacred time for yourself, that no one get's to move you or distract you from the work that you are supposed to do 3) Set boundaries for yourself, learn to say No.

Those key learning's created a warm feeling of contentment, calmness and reassurance that yes I can do it. I can skillfully handle all of the upcoming challenges. I made a mental note to self to remain calm and work hard. I also made a point that I am not going to deprive myself of life and happiness this month just because I have a lot of work to do. Even though it was going to get busy, I was still going to have fun. I told myself that 'I am going to have the time of my life this May'.

It's now 1 assignment and 2 short test later and I feel so proud of myself. I never felt much pressure than I used to feel before. What really worked for me was staying calm and composed. I was more rational and I got a lot more done when I just chilled and stayed calm. For instance this last week I had 2 exams one after the other. As a student we really have to be strategic when it comes to moments like these. I had to prioritize one unit more than the other given the time constraint. I studied day's in advance for the more difficult unit that was carrying more weight in terms of it's contribution to the final coursework. I must admit that for a while I was considering asking the lecturer to sit for that less harder unit another day (he was a very kind and flexible Lecturer so he could have approved my request anyways) because I thought that I can do much better if I did so. But then as I was making my way to school that morning I recalled what I had learnt from the mentoring session and instead of making my way to the Lecturers office I made a detour into the Library. In the Library coincidentally I bumped into 2 of my friends who also take the same units. I told them what I had planned to do, 1 of them a lady who was a working student (She works full time and studies part time) again reminded me that I needed to calm down and study because we had a good solid 5 hours to complete studying 5 units. With that reminder to stay calm I dived straight into studying and I managed to complete studying within 3 and a half hours. The paper that evening turned out to be really enjoyable and I would have really regretted not taking it. I applied the same principle that evening when I completed my study for the more harder unit. Again it helped me deliver better results in a more enjoyable way. An important thing also that we need to have is teamwork with other fellow human beings, preferably interaction in physical presence. People are not only there to offer their assistance when needed but to also share happiness with. I often find that's it's very fun and efficient working within a group. Not just any group people, that great feeling of teamwork often comes about when I am sharing my time and energy with people who have the same goal, drive and passion as me.

I never thought that these busy May Days would have taught me how to continue living life to the fullest despite the hectic demands of life's hustle and bustle. Let us just immerse ourselves deeply in the work that should be done and never forgetting to be happy.

When the water get's deeper, don't panic (because you might just end up drowning) instead swim, enjoy where the water currents takes you. 

Documenting our Lives.

Recently I have decided to seriously pursue my goal of reading books. Not only to read them half way but to read the whole book and to critically analyse them just as I do when I watch a movie or when I listen to songs. It's one of those habits that I want to further strengthen this year. It's a blessing this year to come across a new club at Uni called "The Writers Club". It's an exciting concept, to be part of a community of equally passionate writers. In our very first meetings one of the members who had recently lost a loved one raised how you really wouldnt know who a person really was unless he had a book written a book. I agreed with her sentiments and I applauded myself a bit for having kept a diary and then I thought more needs to be done. I didn't know what further things that needed to be done then but I told myself I was going to figure it out.

The current book that I am reading Hillary Clinton: A Women In Charge by Carl Bernstein just happened to give me few ideas of why it is useful to document our journey in life and how to do that. Hilary Clinton is an amazing woman and she is my role model, I proclaim that and I exclaim what an amazing woman she is. I see so much similarities between us in terms of our deeply held beliefs and values, her journey as young person (with activism and few things she was involved in high school and at Uni) and her upbringing as a child; how her family shaped who she is. I could definitely note some striking similarities but I also feel that she has set a benchmark that I would still like to aspire to.

 How this book was able to convey these intimate details about Hilary Clinton are actually the processes that showed me some ways to document our lives and why it is important to collect memorable and important moments intimately.As a source of reference to give a picture of who Hilary Clinton was, the Author Carl Bernstein used letters exchanged between Hilary and many significant figures in her life; colleagues, mentors, boyfriends and friends to name a few. These letters were useful resources that showed Hilary's journey from her hometown struggling to please her her hard to please father  to the big city where she called the shots and was a force to be reckoned with. Her concerns at those times and her feeling were vividly expressed in those exchange of letters. Just reading through them made me realize how beautiful this practice was, the practice of passionately writing, sending and receiving letters. Nowadays we have emails and Facebook and at times communications have become more easier and instant that I feel it has lost that meaningful and the special feeling that it used to give before. Do we still have meaningful and deep conversations conversations nowadays? You know those timeless conversations. A type of conversation that can only be conveyed in a long well written letter. Speaking for myself, I don't feel that special feeling when I receive emails. It's just an in the moment kind of thing and life is just a continuous 'move on to the next project'.

I would like to change that. I would like to treasure emails sent to me that changes my life or is part of a significant shift in my life. I would like to print them and keep hard copies just like how people used to keep letters back in the days. I would also like to engage in deep and meaningful exchange of emails with people. I will treasure these letters so that one day I can look through all of them and smile because they represent the small details of how my life slowly unfolds. This will very importantly enable me to share with the world the Work that was In Progress.  

Regards,
Kaliova.

Click Refresh When You Fall From Grace and Slip into Temptations.

This post has been few weeks overdue. It was birthed from an encounter with a friend of mine who is a loyal servant of God (Devout Christian), also a fellow student at the University of the South Pacific. He is a friend of my high school Best friend whom I consider a brother of mine, so he has become a good friend of mine too. Along with my best friend from high school, both of them continuously show great interest in my spiritual health and relationship with God and constantly invite me to attend a Christian Fellowship session which takes place every Thursday in a lecture theater and so far I have attended 2 sessions which I have enjoyed so much.

When I met him that day he was just on his way to post up posters about a Christian Fellowship event around campus and so he asked me to accompany him and help him with sticking up those posters. As an Economics student I had to have some kind of incentive in return for taking out my time and energy to help him. Being a close friend I was comfortable enough to make some kind of bargain with him and I found this as a perfect opportunity for me to have him help me out with my blog layout especially since his major lies in the field of Computing Science. I pitched him the idea and he gladly agreed and again he directed the opportunity towards doing something for God. It became something like a perfect alignment of agendas when he suggested that I should write a piece on 'Fighting Temptations' because it has been part of my new years resolution and it is also currently a Work-In-Progress. So I was very much delighted to offer my take on the subject of Temptations and the struggle to overcome it as I struggle against some of my weaknesses which is just as addictive as alcohol addiction and drug addiction. There are a lot of things out there which can be just as addictive and the struggle to fight all of them is similar and Real (with a Capital R!!).

When I was young my parents and my bible teachers gave me an outline of what immoral acts were so I know very well what I should and shouldn't be doing. Trust me I loved studying the bible and going to church when I was younger. Once my mother was preaching to me the promise of the after life and how some responsibilities involved in order for us to live in the after life. I was so excited that day and I told my mother that I will be a good kid from then on-wards and I will obey them (mum and dad) all the time because that was one of the biggest prerequisites to make it to Paradise (afterlife); to obey your parents  at all times. But then I grew up and started to test everything around me. I became curious of what the alternative to being a good kid would be. That led to a troubled and dramatic teenage years marked by bad associations, developing of bad habits, loss of good habits and bad decisions. That dark time in my life involved a lot of stress, worry, headache and tears for me, my parents and other concerned parties involved. It was just bad like very bad. But then God has always been ready to answer my prayers and he miraculously pulled me out of that dark hole that was dragging me in it.

So what now? Did God's miraculous intervention change me to become the innocent child that I was. Haha! I would be lying if I told you yes. The road to salvation did not end there, I still carried remnants of that dark time and it seemed to have continued to grow stronger within me with age. However my will to fight was always on and I told myself that every incident was the last time. It is really hard to fight temptations when things that you are struggling to overcome are being glorified and glamorized in the media. Movies, Television shows, Music, Magazine, Websites, Books and Videos portraying alcoholism, violence, drugs, partying and sex as the way to live or the inn thing to do. I wont go any further with examples and just give a simple example; 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. It's just that bad out there and we need strength, wisdom and good level of discernment on what we want to associate ourselves in this life. These things are made to look like it's the necessity to being happy.

For the past few months I have determined for myself that living in sin is just not good for me. It does not make me happy! Do I have any doubts about that, well I'll be really crazy if I ever will. What good comes out of loose morals? Nothing good, just a life of emptiness and turbulence. We are basically swayed from this direction to that direction and we don't have any meaning in our life. So through all of this I determined for myself that change had to take place. I gave so much thought on the issue of change because I have to change my whole views, perspective and beliefs about life. One thing I knew that I had to was that I needed to be more in communication with God. I prayed to God and then little by little I made few adjustments. I know that the only solution to this problem of mine and the only key to happier life was to trust in God and to believe in him. I now believe that he is the key to happier and a more meaningful life.

I make it a point now to keep God in my thoughts always and to meditate on all his blessings in my life. Nowadays my music playlist is filled with Gospel songs. My current favorite gospel artist is Smokie Norful and I have been listening to all of his songs and it is amazing how much I relate to most of his songs and it's powerful lyrics. I guess that also raises another important point that is God's timing is always perfect. When we open our hearts to him he amazes us with blessings in our life. I have also tried to be very careful with what I watch and what I read. Nowadays I choose to read positive messages shared by Joel Osteen and watch him and Oprahs Super Soul Sunday videos on You Tube.

But then the problem is sometimes we fail and we Do It Again. We do that thing again.We may have been caught off guard, at the wrong place at the wrong time and our mind shuts down and we make that one slip up where we Do It Again. It can be quite disheartening and there is this feeling that we should just let go and do what is easier to do which is to quit fighting temptations and just embrace it. Should we give up? No! No! No! Do not give up, do not let go of God's hand (this is me also shouting at myself too). Remember once we give in and throw in the towel after that slip up the devil will come running in with his big horns and his cunning ugly smile and work with in us again, taking control of us making us live that old filthy life again. Sometimes it gets worse. It's often that one slip up after a long time of going without or resisting that opens up 2 paths; whether to continue in God's path or the Devil's path. Choose God's path. Click Refresh! Click Refresh! Click the Refresh option on fighting temptations.

Quickly renew the fight, direct our attention to God immediately, read his words in the bible and meditate on them. Do everything possible in God's eyes but just Don't Give Up! Let us take that small setback as an opportunity to further strengthen our relationship with God. Remember that my life and your life is a continuous Work-In-Progress so just allow God to continually work on us.

See even Joel Osteen says so. We are still a work in progress. 

Let us continue putting our trust in God for he is the Greatest. Trust that when we give ourselves to the Lord Almighty he will takes us into incredible places in life and he will give us the contentment and happiness that we are seeking because he has promised us so.

I love this bible verse. A verse we can meditate on to renew our faith in God.