Click Refresh When You Fall From Grace and Slip into Temptations.

This post has been few weeks overdue. It was birthed from an encounter with a friend of mine who is a loyal servant of God (Devout Christian), also a fellow student at the University of the South Pacific. He is a friend of my high school Best friend whom I consider a brother of mine, so he has become a good friend of mine too. Along with my best friend from high school, both of them continuously show great interest in my spiritual health and relationship with God and constantly invite me to attend a Christian Fellowship session which takes place every Thursday in a lecture theater and so far I have attended 2 sessions which I have enjoyed so much.

When I met him that day he was just on his way to post up posters about a Christian Fellowship event around campus and so he asked me to accompany him and help him with sticking up those posters. As an Economics student I had to have some kind of incentive in return for taking out my time and energy to help him. Being a close friend I was comfortable enough to make some kind of bargain with him and I found this as a perfect opportunity for me to have him help me out with my blog layout especially since his major lies in the field of Computing Science. I pitched him the idea and he gladly agreed and again he directed the opportunity towards doing something for God. It became something like a perfect alignment of agendas when he suggested that I should write a piece on 'Fighting Temptations' because it has been part of my new years resolution and it is also currently a Work-In-Progress. So I was very much delighted to offer my take on the subject of Temptations and the struggle to overcome it as I struggle against some of my weaknesses which is just as addictive as alcohol addiction and drug addiction. There are a lot of things out there which can be just as addictive and the struggle to fight all of them is similar and Real (with a Capital R!!).

When I was young my parents and my bible teachers gave me an outline of what immoral acts were so I know very well what I should and shouldn't be doing. Trust me I loved studying the bible and going to church when I was younger. Once my mother was preaching to me the promise of the after life and how some responsibilities involved in order for us to live in the after life. I was so excited that day and I told my mother that I will be a good kid from then on-wards and I will obey them (mum and dad) all the time because that was one of the biggest prerequisites to make it to Paradise (afterlife); to obey your parents  at all times. But then I grew up and started to test everything around me. I became curious of what the alternative to being a good kid would be. That led to a troubled and dramatic teenage years marked by bad associations, developing of bad habits, loss of good habits and bad decisions. That dark time in my life involved a lot of stress, worry, headache and tears for me, my parents and other concerned parties involved. It was just bad like very bad. But then God has always been ready to answer my prayers and he miraculously pulled me out of that dark hole that was dragging me in it.

So what now? Did God's miraculous intervention change me to become the innocent child that I was. Haha! I would be lying if I told you yes. The road to salvation did not end there, I still carried remnants of that dark time and it seemed to have continued to grow stronger within me with age. However my will to fight was always on and I told myself that every incident was the last time. It is really hard to fight temptations when things that you are struggling to overcome are being glorified and glamorized in the media. Movies, Television shows, Music, Magazine, Websites, Books and Videos portraying alcoholism, violence, drugs, partying and sex as the way to live or the inn thing to do. I wont go any further with examples and just give a simple example; 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. It's just that bad out there and we need strength, wisdom and good level of discernment on what we want to associate ourselves in this life. These things are made to look like it's the necessity to being happy.

For the past few months I have determined for myself that living in sin is just not good for me. It does not make me happy! Do I have any doubts about that, well I'll be really crazy if I ever will. What good comes out of loose morals? Nothing good, just a life of emptiness and turbulence. We are basically swayed from this direction to that direction and we don't have any meaning in our life. So through all of this I determined for myself that change had to take place. I gave so much thought on the issue of change because I have to change my whole views, perspective and beliefs about life. One thing I knew that I had to was that I needed to be more in communication with God. I prayed to God and then little by little I made few adjustments. I know that the only solution to this problem of mine and the only key to happier life was to trust in God and to believe in him. I now believe that he is the key to happier and a more meaningful life.

I make it a point now to keep God in my thoughts always and to meditate on all his blessings in my life. Nowadays my music playlist is filled with Gospel songs. My current favorite gospel artist is Smokie Norful and I have been listening to all of his songs and it is amazing how much I relate to most of his songs and it's powerful lyrics. I guess that also raises another important point that is God's timing is always perfect. When we open our hearts to him he amazes us with blessings in our life. I have also tried to be very careful with what I watch and what I read. Nowadays I choose to read positive messages shared by Joel Osteen and watch him and Oprahs Super Soul Sunday videos on You Tube.

But then the problem is sometimes we fail and we Do It Again. We do that thing again.We may have been caught off guard, at the wrong place at the wrong time and our mind shuts down and we make that one slip up where we Do It Again. It can be quite disheartening and there is this feeling that we should just let go and do what is easier to do which is to quit fighting temptations and just embrace it. Should we give up? No! No! No! Do not give up, do not let go of God's hand (this is me also shouting at myself too). Remember once we give in and throw in the towel after that slip up the devil will come running in with his big horns and his cunning ugly smile and work with in us again, taking control of us making us live that old filthy life again. Sometimes it gets worse. It's often that one slip up after a long time of going without or resisting that opens up 2 paths; whether to continue in God's path or the Devil's path. Choose God's path. Click Refresh! Click Refresh! Click the Refresh option on fighting temptations.

Quickly renew the fight, direct our attention to God immediately, read his words in the bible and meditate on them. Do everything possible in God's eyes but just Don't Give Up! Let us take that small setback as an opportunity to further strengthen our relationship with God. Remember that my life and your life is a continuous Work-In-Progress so just allow God to continually work on us.

See even Joel Osteen says so. We are still a work in progress. 

Let us continue putting our trust in God for he is the Greatest. Trust that when we give ourselves to the Lord Almighty he will takes us into incredible places in life and he will give us the contentment and happiness that we are seeking because he has promised us so.

I love this bible verse. A verse we can meditate on to renew our faith in God. 

Better a Late Post than Never!

Another semester has ended. Its been an amazing one. I have to admit that I felt the power and the grace of God all the way. Well I am not perfect at all, not even a single bit and this semester has not been perfect at all...I am not complaining or trying to get people to sympathize over my situation. No I have never wanted people to sympathize over my sad stories, I always want to be seen as 'everything is good all the time'', but sometimes the physical appearance can say so much so aint no hiding right there. Gosh I cant even cry in front of people it's just too embarrassing for me.



Well I seem to have deviated long way from my original story. As a matter of fact I don't even have a structured plan or outline to what I want to share through this blog post because I am sick and tired of expectations and structure. I just want to pour it all out. Everything that has happened and all that is happening, I want to pour it all out. I cant promise Ill give all the raw truth (somethings are just meant to remain a secret because they are censored) but I promise to keep it real.

Something amazing happened few months ago. It was at the end of August. It was a surreal experience. I never expected in a million years that I would have experienced such a beautiful and breathtaking experience so early in my life. Every single time I get to take a look at those pictures from back then I am like WOW, did that really happen or was it just a dream. Seriously that experience was a breathtakingly amazing experience. I dont think I can say amazing enough to describe all those wonderful moments. I got to live out some of the dreams that I had and also some of those dreams that I never thought I had. To avoid being vague any further (I get told that I am so vague) and to be specific I got to travel for the first time abroad. I traveled to New Zealand and stayed in a very posh hotel opposite Auckland Airport (Novotel Hotel) and I got to roam around a bit in New Zealand soil. It was so cool, the weather was so cold. I never thought it was possible for an environment to be that cold when the sun is shining, I thought its gets cold to that extent when it snows.



Well there were few hiccups, minor ones that were quickly forgotten. One of the most unexpected amazing things that happened was that I got to meet my favorite New Zealand artists, I got to be in the same flight with them and I got to meet them again in the second destination; Samoa. I got to see them perform 2 times in Samoa, one was a brief private performance and the other one was a full  concert. I loved that show, I was crying when my favorite song called 'I love you' was sung by one of my favorite New Zealand artist Aaradhna live. The song reminded me at that moment of my younger days and the many dreams that I use to have. Standing there seeing her performing that song Live got me crying because I never expected it and it felt so surreal at that moment.

The main reason behind my travel was to attend a Youth Leadership training that was held in Samoa. It was a huge was privilege and an honor to be a part of it. I learnt so much from that experience and I made great connections with all  the other participants. The participants comprised of a single young person from each Pacific Island nation even including Australia and New Zealand. I still keep in touch with them. Its like now I have a friend in every island in the Pacific that I could holla at whenever I am in their Islands. We are all like connected now. Meeting the leaders of the Pacific personally, attending the SIDs Opening Ceremony was part of a category of the highlights. Another category of the highlights was the great experience of being on the Cruise Ship. The service and the food was amazing...It was Amazzzinnng! I will also never forget the crazy intoxicated nights on the cruise ship and off the cruise ship, woo I just get so breathless thinking about them, because they were just that too good. I loved the whole trip and I am greatful to the U.S Embassy for first of all choosing me and very importantly for the great once in a lifetime opportunity.

Posing for the camera with my favorite New Zealand artist, the very talented Aarahdna. 

'The view!' of Samoa from the Deck in the Ship. 

Sitting outside the Pacific Jewel Cruise Ship

Attending a dinner hosted by the Samoan Ambassador to China for some Chinese investors with my very good friend from Cook Island.

So once I came back from Samoa, it was back to reality for me. I never got too depressed after that as I initially thought I would. Well just a bit of heavy feelings here and there but nothing major. I dived back into life here at University and I got busier with school. I still do keep in contact with my new friends from Samoa. 2 of my Pacific Island friends that I made back in Samoa came to Fiji recently, they came to Fiji around the same time and I had a crazy time with them, we basically continued the great time that we were having in Samoa. I guess I am rest assured that Samoa never ended, because it was just the beginning of greater things to come.

Life continued and many fascinating things happened. I am now more determined to reach my goals and dreams. I now have a new form of assurance that I will eventually reach there because I have something called Faith. I may have gotten to loose control a bit but with a prayer made to God everything fell into place perfectly and strategically and also problems were fascinatingly solved. Through these miraculous experiences I learned many things like to never hold on too tight and never to carry a heavy load that you cant handle. If its heavy, it is heavy. You got to let go of few things and lighten your load. I am 21 years old and I am growing and I will continue growing.

Getting More Acquainted With My My Drinks.

I was never a fan of Alcohol and I certainly don't admire Alcoholics because my father was an alcoholic and there were a few bad experiences that reminds me of the ugly side of heavy alcohol consumption. I dreaded the taste of it, and even the smell of it.

As a University student it is a norm or a culture that you got to love alcohol and got to go out partying every weekend.  So eventually I get to come into interaction with alcohol.My friends usually begged me to drink. They took pleasure in seeing me drink, they would usually go 'Please just one glass' and then once I manage to shove that one glass of alcahol down my throat they would insist on few more glasses until I am in the zone with them, DrUnK^^.....

I never saw drinking as a way to relieve stress, as a matter of fact I never really saw any benefit of drinking. However I did enjoy going out clubbing with my friends without the intention of getting drunk. I was always going for the sake of dancing, I love dancing. I love dancing in the club because the atmosphere is very conducive of acting crazy and dancing our hearts out. Another reason is that most people will be too drunk to remember what happened the previous night or maybe they might be too embarrassed of their own mishaps that they don't really care about how others were acting foolish.

It was just recently that I started experiencing a certain level of comfort and joy in drinking alcohol. Now I gulp the drink down without that yucky and dreadful feeling. I think it was during the end of a week long event that I actually developed this sense of appreciation acceptance towards alcohol. It was a very long and exciting week and I think I would have had a nervous breakdown if I didn't join my friends for a few drinks that night. During that drinking session I found great joy, comfort and happiness while sitting down, chatting and slowly getting intoxicated with every glass that I willingly accepted to drink. Many occasional drinks from then onward, I think I would say I have become tougher with holding my drinks, I don't cringe and make a disgust face now as I used to. However I think it is best to drink moderately in order to derive pleasure and relief from it and I will be very careful not to become an alcoholic. There are 2 things I try my best not to become; a slave to alcohol and a smoker of any kind of substance.

There has been many Epic experiences recently while being intoxicated, like this Birthday Wish I wrote to my friend in the Club. I was anxious about my Semester Results so after wishing my friend Happy Birthday, I asked her to "......Please pray for me!! I wanna graduate". 

Week 3. Mouth Widen Open, Staring Blankly At The Wall. Thinking Where To Start.

School has definitely been keeping me on my feet. Also the Extra Curricular responsibilities has also been taking much a huge proportion of my thinking and energy. It is tough to have to focus on school and also at the same time worrying over fulfilling other responsibilities. But I wont complain, I am seeing it as a challenge. A challenge to become an embodiment of my Icons and the following list is in the specific order in which I discovered them and fell in love with them; Beyonce, Tyra Banks, Eva Longoria, Halle Berry, Aishwariya Rai, Kerry Washington and the recent induction Charlize Theron. I admit that I want to be a combination of all these great women who fascinate me so much with their strength, intelligence, work ethics and humility.

I have been part of this Organisation called Rainbow Pride Foundation Limited and it is in its baby stages...It was recently launched this year as a Company Limited by Guarantee. It is a Not for Profit Organization that focuses on addressing and promoting the welfare of people from the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex and Queer (LGBTIQ) community. I am one of the Directors in the company, I am told that I was chosen because they wanted a good mix in the board of directors and so I happen to represent the youth population. I also happen to be assigned the Treasurers role because of my Finance background and the fact that other Directors have no experience in the business field. The first few tasks that were assigned to me, was to collect membership fees from all the current directors, create a youth wing for the organization and create a new bank account. How has the progress been with these assigned tasks....Big percentage away from completion. It may seem simple, but hell no its a lot of work that requires a lot of running around and very importantly resources. As much as I would like to do all this things to perfection, having scarce resources is one of the limitations that limits what I am capable of achieving. Today after my lecture which ended at 12pm I went to town to get started with the opening of a bank account. They told me to come again tomorrow with all the Original documents so as to formally start the process. To create a business bank account you will first have to have a Business search with a fee charged, so after your business gets approved than you can open a bank account. The amount of documents that is needed, wooo... alot, and I have to admit that I hate the process of collating documents. But I will manage..I think it will not be as hard as it seems, like many things, its usually the big technical names that scares people.

Hope to get all these things sorted out, so that I can wholesomely divert myself to my studies. By the way I have been consistent with my class attendance and tutorial participation. That reminds me...I have a tutorial in 2 minutes time. Ok then see you later. 

Never Ending Troubles and Worries.

Problems for me so far has been like peeling layers off an onion...continuous. After one problem is solved or goes away, another one avails itself.

So yesterday morning I woke up feeling great because one of the biggest uncertainties in my life so far has been addressed and the outcome was very promising and assuring of success. The thing is I am very sure now that I will complete my tertiary education and graduate with a Degree in Economics and Finance soon. So that was just a huge relief and a big burden off my shoulders. Just as I was getting ready to start my day at Uni yesterday with a celebratory mood my cousin confronts me (In a respectful way) with this news that just slapped me in the face and got me off 'Lalah' land. I just stood there looking at her and thinking to myself 'here comes another episode.' I have to admit that for a brief moment I was thinking cant I just have a little break. Nevertheless my reaction to it was calm....well I felt calm. I didnt feel frustrated at all and in my head I was saying.. "yup I can overcome this...I may not know how to overcome it now, but I will...eventually..I will give this problem a kung fu kick and it will disappear.... just like I have done in the past".

I guess I am an expert at facing adversities that nowadays I am more composed and calm at such situations. I do acknowledge that life has its up and downs.I am always greatful for the many blessings in my life. I believe that I am never forsaken because God is watching over me and guiding me. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I have this great spiritual awareness within me that everything is connected. Like somethings were meant to happen in order for this other thing to happen. Like we have to face some adversities in order to experience better things or even greater things. With this belief, I think that is a reason why I have grown to accept and even to some extent love challenges ( But I don't instigate trouble intentionally to entertain myself). On that note I remember watching this TV series called Touch and I was like..."woahh this TV is series is so cool".... because I just started developing this belief and coincidentally I get to be watching a TV series that is all about this new found belief of mine. The belief of being Universally connected and being guided by a superior force that I like to call God.

I love God and honestly I could not go through life without God because he has been a great safety net, a source of comfort and God has always known whats best for me. With this belief in the Godly force I get to sail through my troubles and worries safely no matter how rough the seas are. During those dark and stormy times, God is the belief that I clench tightly too that I will reach ashore safely. But that doesn't mean that I take advantage of Gods blessing and basically sit down and wait for things to happen because I believe it will only happen if we go out into the world and give all our efforts. I remember very well watching J.K Rowlings powerful Harvard Commencement speech on you tube and she says that "It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default." It is through our failures and mistakes that God get to pick us up and make us more taller, wiser and stronger than before.

This is one of the pictures taken from an advocacy campaign that I did in collaboration with local youth group 'Youth Champs 4 Mental Health' earlier this year, a campaign focusing on eliminating stigma attached with Mental Health. I love this picture because of the message "There is always Hope". Its important that we tell ourselves this, no matter how bleak the situation maybe. 

New Semester, New Strategies, New Journey.

I am always thankful to be back in school every semester. This is due to the fact that before coming to University I was told many stories of how many young people who leave their homes from my community get into all sorts of nonsense and goes back home not completing their studies. I was constantly reminded of what have happened and what could happen to me if I get carried away by the big city lights of Suva. These stories automatically have become a part of me, manifesting itself as a fear. An alert button that goes off when I am neglecting my studies.That is why I am always on my feet doing whatever I can to return every semester because I don't want to be part of the statistics and plus the humiliation that comes with it. People will definitely have a lot to talk about if that happens.

 Its not only about the humiliation of failing that drives me to work hard. It is also this genuine desire to make my parents happy and to repay them back for all the sacrifices that they have been making for me. On that note during a recent trip back home I heard from my mother how my father had this slight insecurity of whether I will actually remember my family once I become successful. I laughed when my mother told me this, because it is actually something I expected as I haven't been going back home as often as I used to do, I hardly called them. I am glad I was given that opportunity to clear out those doubts and worries. I assured my mother that they are my greatest motivation of why I want to succeed. I want to make them proud and happy. I have a vision of what I actually would like to do for my parents when I become successful. Something like what Halle Berry did for her mother instantly when she started doing well.
 
So the first week has begun. Its the third day now. As of now all I am doing is trying to get few formalities sorted with regards to classes and the scholarship gang ( I liked saying that because it is the cool way of saying it ). I just recently cleared one of my student holds and I have finally seen my results from last semester. I am impressed by what I managed to get, and that is a hats off to all the hard work that was put into last semester. This semester I will put into practice all the wisdom I have gained from last semester. I will try to do a few things a little bit differently this semester. I hope to put in a few more ounce of heart and soul into my studies. If one thing I have learned from all my role models is that a good education is a necessity, it is a platform where you develop your work ethics and the skill of problem solving. I have seen firsthand the importance of being very critical and in knowing the work that you are doing. We will only be able to articulate ourselves well and win the hearts of people if we have great understanding in terms of information and knowledge. I would like to perceive this semester as a training ground that will enable me to become the person whom I want to be.

This semester I have registered for 4 units; Macroeconomic Analysis, Development Economics, Small Business Finance and Financial Risk Management. By the way I am majoring in Economics in Finance.I am loading up this semester because I want to graduate soon. I just cant wait to receive that degree. This semester I hope to merge my studies with everything that I do, to put into practice what I am actually learning. Who knows I might blog about my assignment topics or any random topic from my classes in general. I hope to spice up my love life with my studies. This semester I want to work on Consistency and Quality. I want to do everything Consistently and make my work of good Quality. I will definitely be blogging about my journey through this semester. Something to keep me engaged. Again "Consistency" and "Quality".

And Semester 2, 2014 begins.

The Tuesday night I caught the fever.

It was on Tuesday the 16th of July that I happened to catch the Fever. So basically as of the time I am writing this post now I ll be referring it to as Yesterday. So I have been on the road with my travelling bag for the past 3 weeks. The first week was spent in Southern Cross Hotel, Suva for the Youth Advocacy Training, the second week was spent in my favorite hideaway place Nadave for CCF's  National Youth Forum. This week I am in Hexagon Hotel, Nadi for the 2nd Part of CCF's Youth Advocacy Training and this time I am an assistant to the facilitators, change of role from the last one where I was a participant.Travelling like this has been one of my dreams come true. I have been waking up every morning saying 'Life Is But A Dream'.

This is the only picture I managed to find from Yesterday. It was taken before the training's morning tea. 

Yesterday was an interesting day. The day I caught the fever. After the successful completion of the training session  yesterday which ended at 4 pm in the evening, my good friend Vilisi instigated an adventurous idea for us to travel to the neighboring city of Lautoka to watch a movie in the Cinema Village 4 as there is no cinema here in Nadi. I was reluctant to go at first as my initial plan was to stay back in the room, dye my hair brown, watch television and go to sleep early. But then after seeing the hype and excitement of my fellow friends Vilisi, Pene and Marie it was just too hard to resist and I just had to give in and go along with them. Mind you the brown hair dye that I applied was still on my hair when we left. It was cleaned up in the Cinemas washroom sink with low pressure water. Imagine the strugle I faced with black stuff ozzing down my face slowly just before watching the movie Deliver Us From Evil. If someone saw me that person would have freaked out thinking I was possessed with the devil from the movie itself. Great thing was that the only thing packed in my bag apart from my wallet was a body towel. I managed to clean myself up and join Vilisi for the movie. Pene and Marie never found anything interesting to watch so they went for a visit to Marie's house. Mind you Marie is from Lautoka herself.

The movie theatre was occupied by only 4 others apart from the 2 of us. I loved watching the horror movie, the partially empty room gave us more comfort to scream out loud during the scary scenes. I think we spent more time laughing rather then being scared. But I totally agree with the movie of the fact that the existance of evil demonic forces does exist and that sometimes the solution to certain unique problems is not medical intervention but spiritual intervention such as exorcism. I have never seen firsthand an exorcism but I have heard a lot about it from friends and I once heard a possessed girl speaking though a phone. It was so spooky hearing that girl respond to questions asked through the phone by this man who was kind of like an exorcist.

The movie lives up to its name 'Deliver us from evil' and to the Posters advert above.

 Just after the movie we met up with the other 2 adventurers and made a quick stop dinner at this cool restaurant called Tigers restaurant for a quick bite before hoping onto a mini van to head back to Nadi.
It was at the Mini Van that I caught the fever. So initially I was meant to sit with this singer from a very popular band here in Fiji called Makare but then once the van started getting full this woman asked if I could sit at the back because she couldnt fit at the limited space that was available at the back sit of the mini van. I kindly agreed because it was the polite thing to do. At the back seat I was sitting uncomfortably squashed between big people. Just as the van was about to move this gorgeous thing just happened to get in and sit in front on the floor because it was full. As the van proceeded a bit in front a few people got off in the front sit and 2 seats became vacant. With so much relief  I moved in front to the vacant front seat where Mr Georgeous was already sitting in. When I approached him to shift so that I could sit, his instant reaction created a comfort zone that we started conversing straight away as if we have previously known each other. With so much humor he tried to make me confess that I came in front because I saw him. He was also flirting but in a fun and respectful kind of way. We discussed a lot during that 45 mins ride. It ranged from how the weather in Nadi has changed in the past few days which he attributed to my presence here in Nadi to the human heart and how it needs to be wide. Somewhere between Nadi and Lautoka there was a Police checkpoint and the police had to check everyone in the van. Now this is the part where I catch the Fever. So after the van successfully leaves the checkpoint he goes on and tells me this story. He tells me that I should be thankful to him because he just saved me from being arrested and he gives me few lovely compliments of how cool of an On The Run fugitive I look like tonight. He tells me how he is a hero who saved everyone life in the car and especially me who's presence in the car posed a threat to everyone elses welfare. I was just sitting there blown away by his soft and smoothly spoken imaginative stories. He respectfully goes on and tells me that we should meet again soon and he asks me where do I prefer to meet him again but I gave a funny answer because I dont like things planned. Plans never happen, it will be great to meet again soon...but it will be more sweeter if we meet again coincidentally. But nevertheless I woke up early this morning with a Fever.

He told me a story similar to Jay and Beys On The Run Trailer. Today I was feeling Gangstah with a Fever!