Saturday, 22 October 2016

First and foremost: Stop being dishonest with ourselves!

“Now comes the harder part, Nick. I need total honesty from you, it wont work any other way. So tell me everything about your marriage, tell me the worst. Because if I know the worst, then I can plan for it. But if I’m surprised, we’re fuck#d. And if we’re fuck#d, you’re fuck#d.” - Lawyer Tanner Bolt says to Nick Dunne

A quote from the book I am currently reading; ‘Gone Girl’ by Gillian Flynn - very addictive and as clichéd as it sounds - its totally unputdownable.

It is indeed the hardest part to have to admit things – problems, weaknesses, threats, failures and defeat. Its uncomfortable having to not only admit to other people (totally unnecessary if it is none of their business) but also having to admit to our ourselves. In the above situation before Nick can give as honest as possible to his Lawyer all the raw truth he needs to be aware of the raw truth in the first place himself and acknowledge it like ‘yes I am conscious of my problems and where I screwed up.’ Else he would've been like “Oh mahnn, caught me by surprise there! I feel it at the back of mind that there is a problem but I really don’t have a clue what it is. But whatever it is I am sure it’s pinching me in the derriere,” and that’s not good isn’t it.

In my past blog posts, a few times I have talked about the problem with choosing the ‘easier and comfortable’ alternative – at times it presents us with a short term or immediate satisfaction but with long term consequences. In the case of this particular blog post, the consequences of being dishonest with ourselves. Dishonest with ourselves in the sense that we deny ourselves of the raw truth, we are conscious that something is wrong but we choose to be oblivious to it.

Do you at times feel like you lie to yourself? Because I sure as hell do. I prefer to be more irresponsibly optimistic. I lie to myself that everything is alright and their is no need for concern. I hate the thought of wrecking my brains delving into my problems, I fear that I might become too stressed out and depressed. It’s also hard having to analyse things about myself and I am not good with another person doing it for me either. I am very laid back which could be attributed to me being a 23 years old Fijian living in the land of sand and sunshine where life  is idyllically laid back. I often find that it is easier to say “Oh I am fine,” or “Its no big deal,” or “Its not that serious at all, nothing that cant be fixed,” – without a care and a clue of how to fix it.

Reading the book ‘Gone Girl’ has taught me one thing and that is the importance of being honest with ourselves. We don’t need someone else to come and coerce the truth out of us or maybe to actually capitalize on our weak areas and use it against us. We need to take ownership of our ugly truths and use it to fix things about ourselves that we know needs fixing.

It’s totally a personal decision if you want to reword the truth, make it colourful and tasteful for other people but when it comes to telling yourself the truth – you say it as it is – in its ugliest, yuckiest true state. But it doesn’t have to be a demeaning activity where we drain out our self esteem, we should see it as a way of giving ourselves constructive criticism. Not only identifying the areas where we lack in but also thinking of solutions and creating a very strategic action plan for ourselves.

Like what Lawyer Tanner Bolt says to Nick Dunne in ‘Gone Girl’ – if we know the truth than we can plan for it. Being very honest with ourselves give us an opportunity to have a proper insight and perspective into our own flawed life. Having a good understanding of just what we are dealing with helps us to manoeuvre ourselves better around problems making sure that we have control on our life. We are also able to prepare ourselves for the worst and in countering risks. By taking full responsibility we can challenge ourselves to make some changes. We will posses a foresight that should help us to create a game plan – a game plan to play the game better.

So friends let’s stop being dishonest with ourselves. Stand up, be brave and accept your truth. No one can attain perfection but we can do little things to improve ourselves. Let’s be responsible and be honest with ourselves first and foremost. Philosopher Lao Tzu says that “Mastering yourself is power.” You got the power!! Claim your power!!