Saturday, 26 September 2015

What did I learn about myself to never be repeated? (As Oprah asked J.K Rowling).

Last week was a very tough week, something I feared the most actually happened. I took a risk, fully aware of the consequences from the beginning and I actually thought I had it handled. Clearly it's obvious now that everything went so wrong and the situation got out of hand, thus the reason why I was messed up for 1 week. From the beginning my gut kept on telling me that I shouldn't get too close with these group of people and very importantly not to give my trust to them because they might misuse it. I never want to be used; I hate the feeling of being used. It's degrading and it irritates me. I was defeated, the trolls misused my trust and I had to face some tough consequences. I am so thankful to those who truly matter and care for coming through for me in that very difficult time and helping me go through it.

Now before going through these series of events I watched Oprah Winfrey and Author J.K Rowling's interview ( & thank God I did because it helped me deal with this situation better) and one question that stood out for me was Oprah asking J.K Rowling; "What did you learn about yourself to never be repeated?" It's this same question that I asked myself as I was undergoing the consequences of the risk that I took.

Asking myself that question first of all helped me Calm Down and even though it was very challenging at times I wanted to come out of this ordeal as calmly and graceful as possible. Thinking about that question made me think deeply about the whole event very constructively. I made a few important mental notes on what I have learnt and what I should never ever be repeating again. I was anxious every single day of how worse this problem could turn out but then doing other things and keeping myself busy and happy helped eased the suffering. Personally I am a person who highly prioritize living life fully everyday and I seldom allow anything to keep me from doing just that. I also told myself that this situation should make me a better person and it should prepare me for the bigger things in life which might come with equally bigger problems.

So what did I learn about myself that I hope to never repeat ever again?
I will never associate myself with fools again. I will toughen my defense mechanism and protective barrier against bad associations. I am talking about the messed up people who are deeply entrenched in leading messed up lives and are enjoying every bit of pulling other people into their messed up world with their manipulation and ruthlessness. Zero tolerance for them period.

I know that there are many people out there in the world who have been pulled or maybe potentially pulled into messed up situation through manipulation. Hence I think it's very important that we be cautious of being manipulated emotionally. A simple solution would be to never tolerate any kind of nonsense at all, and always be using our head over heart in situations where our gut tells us it's risky. It's like a battle trust me, just like the movie that is made by Steve Harvey's book 'Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man", we have to be on our toes protecting ourselves from being played and thrown under the bus for some else's pleasure.

Life is more enjoyable and productive when we live our lives with positive people leading positive lives and adding a great deal positive value to our lives. So friends be happy but beware at the same time.

Thursday, 24 September 2015

Novel Update 01: A Pen, A Paper & Some Great Ideas

I want to write a book! Like Chimamanda Ngozie Adichie, Kathryn Stockett, Elizebeth Gilbert and J.K Rowling. This idea of writing a book was conceived last year after watching the promo video for Beyonce and Jay Z's 'On The Run Concert'. After watching the video, ideas and images started exploding in my head like fireworks and I could even feel the intensity of some of the major scenes that will be in my Novel. Ever since than I have clutched on to it tightly, never letting it go.

The Novel has had its name changed 2 times. I first named it 'Together they did' but then I changed its title to something that is of personal significance to me, it carries great sentimental value. The novel is actually based on the lives of 2 teenage boys (One 20 years old and the another 19 years old) who have a strong chemistry and as the story progress form a bond that goes beyond anything that they have been shown to be acceptable and normal in the small community they come from. It follows their journey as they defy all odds that stands in the way of their happiness and to live their true self. 

So far my writing had the intensity of the video above but then it also had some essence of a Nicholas Sparks novel. That's until I read the book 'The Help' by Kathryn Stockett and it just tottally changed my mind on the direction of where I wanna take this novel to. That book somehow made me despise the Nicholas Sparks themes. I feel that the the story line should be more authentic and addresses real issues that prevail in the society and in this case with regards to the LGBTIQ community. So far I have been enjoying every minute of reading 'The Help'. The book takes out those awkward to look at and talk about dirty laundry and sun's it out. The struggles, hardships and alienation suffered by the characters in the novel 'The Help' is something similar in nature to what the LGBTIQ community faces. Uniqueness has to be acknowledged; in some ways we can say that the African Americans seeking freedom had it harder and also in some ways too the LGBTIQ community has it harder.  I want my novel to document the real lives of LGBTIQ individuals living here in Fiji. Their moments of joy, sadness, their insecurities and also their triumphs. 

I have been feeling guilty of being super imaginative and inventive with my novel. Then I come across J.K Rowling who is all about the exploitation of the imagination. J,K Rowling a billionaire author whose work has not only been made into a series of hugely successful movies but also into a theme park, making the world of Harry Potter come to life.The Harry Porter books sold more than 350 million copies worldwide. In the book J.K Rowling also used her life experiences to inspire the characters, setting and events. For instance the Dementors which sucks the life and happiness out of the living was born out of the time when she was going through clinical depression. In an interview she vividly describes what depression is like and that is the same illustration that I had in my mind. I even wrote this long post on Facebook with similar words and description that J.K Rowling used. I never was a big fan of Harry Porter growing up nor was I interested in reading thick books back then. Now I am at the right age and mindset to devour that all Harry Porter books from 'The sorcerers stone' to 'The Deathly Hollows.'  I am scheduling it in my reading list. I am reading a variety of materials now just to give me a range of models on how to write a good book.

For now I created myself some writing goals and improvements and they are listed below: 
  • Get more acquainted with writing using pen and paper to not only note down my ideas but to actually write drafts and finals copies. This is for more flexibility, enabling me write wherever and whenever.
  • Have a more neater and readable handwriting.
  • Consistently write for mental health and also to further sharpen this writing skill of mine.
  • All blog posts to be handwritten. Again for flexibility in creating content and we can focus on further sparkling up the content on the computer. The backbone and the soul should be on pen and paper. Inspired by J.K Rowling. 
Till then, I shall continue to write. Simply write. All I should need is a pen, a paper and some great ideas. 

Wednesday, 16 September 2015

Successful People I am Stalking This Month.

I have this special hobby of stalking successful people and personalities that I love. I would watch all their interviews and biographical videos and also updating myself by binge watching or reading some of their works. Thanks to You Tube and the Internet it's easier to do this and I am able to have an endless reserve of amazing people to choose from.

The reason behind why I am drawn to stalk a particular person usually differs and it depends on my situation whether negative or positive. I also like to watch people who validate the fact that my struggle or my current life situation is normal and I can overcome it triumphantly. Very importantly it teaches me how to become a better person, that person may show me traits, skills or qualities that I would like to embody myself. The fact that I have a lot of people who I follow means that I can never be labelled a copy cat.

This month I am following 3 special people and they are Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche, Vanessa Williams and for the second time making it to my list it is the fabulous Tyra Banks. I love all these women; they are Iconic, full of wisdom, persistent, resilient, talented, hardworking and they are all survivors. 

So what draws me to these 3 ladies? (Hmmm good question)

Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche.
One of my goals for this year has been to read a lot of books, engage in them and feel the messages that emanates from these books. I hope that by reading books I could become more wiser, articulate and intelligent. Another one of my goals is to start writing a Novel and that is slowly coming along, unfolding beautifully. So I feel that with these goals it's important for me to follow some talented authors and read their work. I came across Chimamanda on TedTalk where she made a powerful speech about Feminism and latter on her name was permanently registered in my mind after Beyonce used parts of that very Speech in her song 'Flawless'. So these goals that I have perfectly align with all that she has done and what she represents. I also like the fact that she is a person who digs deep and critically thinks about human lives, actions and events. She deeply thinks and talks about human behaviors and human communities. I do just about the same thing she does and the subjects she talks about are the very subjects that interests me. Among my friends I like to do that kind of talking but it's really nice to listen too and converse about such things. Chimamanda is a friend I would love to have and the very kind of writer that I would love to be. I am planning on reading her book 'The Yellow Sun' soon (after I finish reading 'The Help') and also watch it's movie adaptation. I hope to read all her other works soon.

Vanessa Williams
I have always loved Vanessa Williams as not only is she very beautiful but also because she is so entertaining to watch. Even though she played this mean character Wilhelmina Slater on 'Ugly Betty' I loved her on that show and I felt that she was one of the draw cards to the show itself. Even though I was a big fan of her work, I have never took an interest in delving more into her personal story and to know more of who she is as a person until very recently. I came across this CNN article talking about how the Miss America Organisation apologized to Vanessa for the controversy that made her give back her tittle 10 months into her reign as Miss America of 1983. It was something that the CEO Sam Haskell said that really drew me to Vanessa and made me wanna know more about her story. He told Vanessa: "You have lived your life in grace and dignity" and for me to be able to do that even through demeaning controversy is really admirable because it takes so much strength. I want to be able to do that and I have to admit that after going through all of Vanessa's interviews and bio's I have learnt so much and I feel very confident and ready to take on any negativity that comes my way.  She also discussed a lot about excruciating rejection and hate and how she dealt with. I feel stronger now more than ever after listening to her. She is someone who was persistent and continued to prove to others her worth. I love Vanessa and her story her resilience and hardwork.

Tyra Banks
The fierce and fabulous Tyra Banks is back with a new Panel talk show similar to 'The View' called 'The FABLife'. I have done a major stalking of her in the past. I had this phase that lasted for months where it was just all about Tyra Banks. She has an inspirational and a powerful story. Many of you who would have watched Tyra would agree that she is a uniquely entertaining gem to watch. She makes you feel good. She can make you laugh and she could also make you cry. She is a genuine human being who is beautiful in the inside and the out and is uplifting millions of people out there with her realness. She works so hard to redefine the perception of beauty and she is a big sister who stands up to big bullies out there who try to degrade people's self esteem by making the spectrum of beauty very narrow and unattainable. Also the story of her struggles at the beginning of her career and how she overcame all those adversities she faced is reassuring that there are many doors to success and just because one door is closed at you doesn't mean its over, if nothing convinces you than her story should be a good proof of the possibilities. I would like to re look at all these videos again reaffirm to myself some of the great messages that I have learnt from the flawsome, fierce and fabulous Tyra.

Do you like to follow people? Who do you follow and why?

Tuesday, 1 September 2015

Can we really get over that special someone?

As I come home from school in the afternoon on Wednesday last week, a friend who also lives under the same building as me delightfully greets me, the kind of greeting that someone usually gives when they need something from you. Apparently he did need something from me; he needed an advice on a problem that he has been facing. I am usually flattered when people ask me for advice and I am more than willing to offer abundantly provided that I have some to offer. This was not the first time that he has asked for advice from me and I remember the last time I was very sure and more passionate with my response.This time around I was caught off guard because I wasn’t able to find any answer. For the 1st couple of minutes after he asked his question, I just stood there looking into his eyes, with a smile on my face as I couldn’t really figure out at that moment how to solve that problem because I myself was struggling with solving my own similar kind of problem. I don’t know about you all but for me I can’t really prescribe a medicine that I myself don’t personally understand. So what I did was try to unfold layer by layer what the situation at hand was for him so I asked him questions just to get a better understanding. What happened was we ended up both laughing at ourselves because as he opened up more I couldn’t help but admit to him that we were exactly on the same boat. 

Through that conversation with that friend of mine I discovered how difficult it is for some of us to get over that special someone. I am always telling myself that I am better than how my special person treats me or how I feel that he values me to be. I try as hard to get that person out of my mind but it is difficult. I am always thinking about him every other 2 days. When he sends me messages I am on top of the world and I get this huge smile on my face. I tend to blush too. I am aware of how unfairly he treats me and how I am way better off without him anywhere close to me, my mind is clear and I am able to focus on all my dreams and aspirations. He claims that he is a realist and likes to shoot me down many times when I get too enthusiastic about something. He makes me feel dumb too most of the time. So what I would usually do is I work hard at proving him wrong. Everything that I do I do it with the awareness that he is looking and I am always acting in a way that would make him have a good image of me. I know this is all so sad but then he does have some good sides to him like the fact that he is so intelligent, passionate, humorous, full of energy with a big personality. If you ask me do I still like him; oh hell yes I still like him but the thing is "Us" is not possible in this lifetime because he is moving ahead into greener pastures. I dream about him a lot of times, its like he is haunting me. Okay, yeah it's kinda that bad! We still do talk every now and then and I try to make things look like everything is alright and I am unaffected. 

Has things at least improved a bit over time? Yeah a bit. I don't think about him as much as I used to. I am not that obsessed. The reason being is that now I have strongly determined in my heart that I am going to do me, I am going to pursue my dreams with a greater force and that is my one and only priority. So all else have been swept to the back of my mind. Having that mentality has helped me. At the end of the day we have to choose our happiness and that requires us to think rationally. We need to appreciate all the things that we have and give our heart, mind and soul to what truly matters.Self confidence also helps. We need to be confident with who we are and in the decisions that we are going to make. Be confident enough to know that you deserve way much better. I think I have said this before but then I am going to say it again; We should never let other people or circumstances define who we are and how happy we can be. Never let that power slip from us. You should grasp that power to yourself, own it and embrace it. So therefore my dear friend go ahead and Be Free, Be You and Be Happy.

Cheers to a new beginning friend!