Tuesday, 25 August 2015

Fixing yourself after a shattering heartbreak.

I personally define heartbreak as the loss and suffering incurred after an investment of ourselves and our happiness in another highly valued entity comes to an unfortunate, sad ending. Obviously I cooked up this definition in one of the Finance classes that I take. You see if we think about it some similarities can be found between the subject of trading in financial securities and human relationships. First of all, they both  experience volatility (the Ups and the downs) and it's pretty much a normal phenomena in the case of them both. Secondly they both involve investment of assets or valuables with the expectation of good returns. In finance we invest our material wealth and in human relationships we invest our emotional, spiritual, physical and mental wealth. In both cases the more we invest, the more risk we are taking; the risk of facing the unfortunate end and painfully losing all that we have invested. In the so called 'The end'; a dreadful and an exhausting flood of emotions consumes us into a state of sadness, pain, despair and hopelessness. Our life comes to a halt! ...... Sounds a bit too solemn, and to continue with solemness we shall no longer because this post is about snapping out of that state and diving back into life. These are my own personally cooked up advice with some crazy ingredients from a few bad experiences. Enjoy!

Advice 1: Feel the hurt and accept the truth. 
This has to be the 1st deed that needs to be done. It's the hardest part, but then you have to come to terms with what has just happened. No more lying to yourself, no sugar coating at all; the real, honest and raw truth needs to be embraced. The situation needs to be approached in a neutral state of mind, meaning that you are not going to blame yourself too much unless you deserve it and you are not going to blame the other person too much unless that person deserves it. This is where you are honest with yourself and you are going to hold accountable whatever needs to be held accountable and see it as it is. Be as honest as possible and these honest thoughts as hurtful as they are should guide you as you cry, cry and cry, and come to terms with what has happened. I suggest that you don't listen to any music at all when you are in this stage because songs are highly likely to alter your true feelings at this vulnerable stage of your life. Also avoid watching those love story kind of movies, like the Nicholas Sparks ones. It's just going to exacerbate the problem. Your intention should be to learn and grow from this experience, not damage yourself.

Advice 2: Do not forego self care while grieving. 
It's easier to be hurt physically then it is to be hurt emotionally. We can bandage a cut on our body and then continue with our daily routine because we still have that mental strength and spirit to continue. With a bruised spirit we can't really do much. Yet no matter what situation, we will always have some reserve of strength inside us and that is the energy that we should use to slowly build ourselves up again, starting with taking care of ourselves while we are hurting so much. As you cry remember to take breaks in between to drink water (drink plenty of it) and to eat too (don't overeat, I know some of y'all binge eat, don't do that to yourself darling!). I have come across people who just lock themselves up in their room, eating nothing and drinking nothing at all. That's just self torture right there. Yeah I understand that during these times even the most scrumptious looking food becomes less appealing to us, but still you need to feed your body with the most essential vitamins and nutrients. Another thing you shouldn't avoid is taking your bath, brushing your teeth, combing your hair, wearing clean clothes and putting on some perfume before you chill. I remember my first experience had me looking and smelling like a cave man. Trust me being filthy and foregoing good hygiene just contributes more to the misery you are in. We need to be healthy and clean in order to process all those strong emotions in a healthy and helpful way.

Advice 3: Slowly let it go and step back out in to Life. 
As much as we wish that things could've been more different, or a bit more perfect, the end is the end and the truth is the truth so you need to set yourself free. This is the point where you isolate yourself no more. Choosing the people who you turn to at this point in your life is very important. Spend time with your family and call up your most closest and understanding friends. Call on people  that you know will listen to you and not judge you or make you feel worse than you do. Take heed of my advice when I tell you: Do not call up or hang out with friends that have alcohol and drug abuse problems (No! No! Nada!) and stay 50 feet away from them too. Do not push yourself too hard at this point, go slow and go at your most comfortable pace. This is a great time for you to engage in some fun physical exercise or even better do some yoga and meditation. Watch Movies that shows people overcoming great life obstacles and finding themselves and their true passion again. The feel good kind of movies that shows hope and new beginnings. My favorites that I felt were very helpful in my healing process were: Eat, Pray and Love, Wild, Unbroken, The Fault In Our Stars and The Hundred Foot Journey. I would also suggest watching those movies that takes your mind of your problems and makes you think about the sufferings and injustices that other people around the world are facing. It would be very helpful to be aware that there are people out there who are in more worse situations. By now you should feed that urge to plug some earphones on by listening to songs that elevate your confidence level, listening to those happy upbeat songs. Another great thing to do is joining local events, charities, networks or organisations that are doing good work for other people in your community It's a known fact that when we do good things for other people we get to derive from it a great level happiness and satisfaction. What's really important is that whatever you are doing you are releasing yourself from the clutch of misery and doing something that makes you feel good about yourself.

Advice 4: Power jump back on track and groove to the beat of Life.

You have survived! You are a survivor! Now its your time to shine and let the world know that you are coming back from this ordeal stronger, wiser and better than ever. Re-look at your life goals and your ambitions, now its time to pursue them with a greater force. Direct all that energy and inspiration that you have gained from that experience towards achieving greater things in life. What is also important is that you don't make those same mistakes again hence you need to create a healthy defense system that protects you from a similar kind of trouble in future. It is usually during difficult times that we discover so much about ourselves. I personally think that some bad experiences made more accepting and loving of myself which is the same thing you should because at the end of the day it's just you and yourself whom you got to deal with hence you need to celebrate and love yourself first. Hold your head up high and continue walking towards the many victorious and exciting things that life has in store for your great big future.

How do you best deal with heartbreak? Do music and movies have an impact on how your deal with heartache?