Once me and a good friend of mine +Mesui Toganiyadrava discussed about how this world seems so unfair. We were both at the lowest points in our lives, we were exhausted and feeling a little bit hopeless. We emotionally and reflectively talked about how for some people they seemed to be given everything in life; the talent, the natural good looks, good relationship, wealth, intelligence and confidence. Whereas for other people like us we have to struggle and endure so much pain in this world. That conversation had to be one the most memorable conversations, it was very intimate and it really defined my friendship with that person. It was also a defining moment in my life, from then onward it made me very accepting of reality. I think it pushed me a step closer to maturity.
As we grow older, we start to get a lot of bruises and I think that makes us react to situations in a much more deeper way. I go to church and during praise and worship sessions I usually watch older people as they dance, cry and sing passionately and I know that's because they have lived long enough to get as many bruises that they need healing. Some things can build us up and some things can break us down if we are not spiritually prepared for it. From that day I had that conversation with my friend about unfairness in this world, I underwent a journey (nothing fancy...just a bit like a spiritual journey) that led me to this blog post.
My perception has changed since then. With this new perception I feel that I have become more confident and content with all that I have been given in this life. I think we must not be intimidated by anyone because at the end of the day we are all flawed human beings. We should not to get disheartened seeing other people having it good in life because like my inspirational beauty queen Michelle Phan says in one of her videos; most people like to showcase their best lives but that doesn't mean they don't have problems so lets all go ahead have a smile on our faces. Let's showcase to the world our best lives. Whatever unfavorable situation we are in, we should always be optimistic and forward looking with a vision of what our best lives will look like once we have gone through that trial. See it as a test, see it as something that will make us become a better person, better at what we do. When we get punched in the face, let's stand back up stronger and continue fighting the good fight. Another problem we have to deal with is the naysayers. Yup the naysayers, they can be really frustrating to deal with. What I usually do is to take the negative power that they emanate and use it as a force to prove them wrong.
Whats really interesting about each one of us is that we are uniquely created. We should all seize that uniqueness and make the best out of it. I heard from somewhere that it is not about how much we have but what we can make out of the little things that we have. I think that God rewards those who are grateful. With a simple pencil and a simple book, we can write a best selling book or draw designs that becomes a successful fashion life. I think that talent is not just singing and being able to win gold in a sport. Talent comes in all varieties of shapes and sizes. Talent is a product of love and passion. Like Beyonce say's in one of her videos "Once you realise the thing that makes you passionate and the thing that makes you stay up at night, the thing that you would fight for..once you realize those things and you are working towards that...its preety much HAVING IT ALL!!"
So may you be filled with so much love and positivity & always remember to live your best life.
It's the month of May, and for me ever since school started this year I have been very nervous about facing this Month. The reason is because a lot of things in my course assessment for the Units I have taken this semester falls due this month. From the beginning I have always been anxious thinking about how this month will go down especially with assignments and minor exams falling due almost every week.
Prior to facing the challenges of this month, on the last week of April I called for a mentoring session with my mentor Dr Vanisha Mishra Vakaoti who offers a great professional mentoring service. I just had this gut feeling that I needed to call for a session, because it was the perfect opportune time to utilize such a service. I needed someone else to tell me that the situation lurking around the corner then could be handled. Even though somewhere within me I knew that I could successfully complete this hectic month but then I just couldn't get myself to figure out how to do so because my mind was just too congested. So that's why I needed to have another person uplift my spirit and give me directions.
I had to carefully plan my goals for the mentoring session. I prepared questions in advance so that I could gain as much as possible from that session given that it lasts for a good 1 hour. I also made sure that my questions were very relevant and honest. I really needed the mentoring session to be successful. The mentoring session turned out to be more bountiful than what I had expected it to be. The 3 key messages my mentor shared with me were to; 1) Remain calm, just do the work, avoid panicking 2) Create study time as sacred time for yourself, that no one get's to move you or distract you from the work that you are supposed to do 3) Set boundaries for yourself, learn to say No.
Those key learning's created a warm feeling of contentment, calmness and reassurance that yes I can do it. I can skillfully handle all of the upcoming challenges. I made a mental note to self to remain calm and work hard. I also made a point that I am not going to deprive myself of life and happiness this month just because I have a lot of work to do. Even though it was going to get busy, I was still going to have fun. I told myself that 'I am going to have the time of my life this May'.
It's now 1 assignment and 2 short test later and I feel so proud of myself. I never felt much pressure than I used to feel before. What really worked for me was staying calm and composed. I was more rational and I got a lot more done when I just chilled and stayed calm. For instance this last week I had 2 exams one after the other. As a student we really have to be strategic when it comes to moments like these. I had to prioritize one unit more than the other given the time constraint. I studied day's in advance for the more difficult unit that was carrying more weight in terms of it's contribution to the final coursework. I must admit that for a while I was considering asking the lecturer to sit for that less harder unit another day (he was a very kind and flexible Lecturer so he could have approved my request anyways) because I thought that I can do much better if I did so. But then as I was making my way to school that morning I recalled what I had learnt from the mentoring session and instead of making my way to the Lecturers office I made a detour into the Library. In the Library coincidentally I bumped into 2 of my friends who also take the same units. I told them what I had planned to do, 1 of them a lady who was a working student (She works full time and studies part time) again reminded me that I needed to calm down and study because we had a good solid 5 hours to complete studying 5 units. With that reminder to stay calm I dived straight into studying and I managed to complete studying within 3 and a half hours. The paper that evening turned out to be really enjoyable and I would have really regretted not taking it. I applied the same principle that evening when I completed my study for the more harder unit. Again it helped me deliver better results in a more enjoyable way. An important thing also that we need to have is teamwork with other fellow human beings, preferably interaction in physical presence. People are not only there to offer their assistance when needed but to also share happiness with. I often find that's it's very fun and efficient working within a group. Not just any group people, that great feeling of teamwork often comes about when I am sharing my time and energy with people who have the same goal, drive and passion as me.
I never thought that these busy May Days would have taught me how to continue living life to the fullest despite the hectic demands of life's hustle and bustle. Let us just immerse ourselves deeply in the work that should be done and never forgetting to be happy.
When the water get's deeper, don't panic (because you might just end up drowning) instead swim, enjoy where the water currents takes you.
Recently I have decided to seriously pursue my goal of reading books. Not only to read them half way but to read the whole book and to critically analyse them just as I do when I watch a movie or when I listen to songs. It's one of those habits that I want to further strengthen this year. It's a blessing this year to come across a new club at Uni called "The Writers Club". It's an exciting concept, to be part of a community of equally passionate writers. In our very first meetings one of the members who had recently lost a loved one raised how you really wouldnt know who a person really was unless he had a book written a book. I agreed with her sentiments and I applauded myself a bit for having kept a diary and then I thought more needs to be done. I didn't know what further things that needed to be done then but I told myself I was going to figure it out.
The current book that I am reading Hillary Clinton: A Women In Charge by Carl Bernstein just happened to give me few ideas of why it is useful to document our journey in life and how to do that. Hilary Clinton is an amazing woman and she is my role model, I proclaim that and I exclaim what an amazing woman she is. I see so much similarities between us in terms of our deeply held beliefs and values, her journey as young person (with activism and few things she was involved in high school and at Uni) and her upbringing as a child; how her family shaped who she is. I could definitely note some striking similarities but I also feel that she has set a benchmark that I would still like to aspire to.
How this book was able to convey these intimate details about Hilary Clinton are actually the processes that showed me some ways to document our lives and why it is important to collect memorable and important moments intimately.As a source of reference to give a picture of who Hilary Clinton was, the Author Carl Bernstein used letters exchanged between Hilary and many significant figures in her life; colleagues, mentors, boyfriends and friends to name a few. These letters were useful resources that showed Hilary's journey from her hometown struggling to please her her hard to please father to the big city where she called the shots and was a force to be reckoned with. Her concerns at those times and her feeling were vividly expressed in those exchange of letters. Just reading through them made me realize how beautiful this practice was, the practice of passionately writing, sending and receiving letters. Nowadays we have emails and Facebook and at times communications have become more easier and instant that I feel it has lost that meaningful and the special feeling that it used to give before. Do we still have meaningful and deep conversations conversations nowadays? You know those timeless conversations. A type of conversation that can only be conveyed in a long well written letter. Speaking for myself, I don't feel that special feeling when I receive emails. It's just an in the moment kind of thing and life is just a continuous 'move on to the next project'.
I would like to change that. I would like to treasure emails sent to me that changes my life or is part of a significant shift in my life. I would like to print them and keep hard copies just like how people used to keep letters back in the days. I would also like to engage in deep and meaningful exchange of emails with people. I will treasure these letters so that one day I can look through all of them and smile because they represent the small details of how my life slowly unfolds. This will very importantly enable me to share with the world the Work that was In Progress.
This post has been few weeks overdue. It was birthed from an encounter with a friend of mine who is a loyal servant of God (Devout Christian), also a fellow student at the University of the South Pacific. He is a friend of my high school Best friend whom I consider a brother of mine, so he has become a good friend of mine too. Along with my best friend from high school, both of them continuously show great interest in my spiritual health and relationship with God and constantly invite me to attend a Christian Fellowship session which takes place every Thursday in a lecture theater and so far I have attended 2 sessions which I have enjoyed so much.
When I met him that day he was just on his way to post up posters about a Christian Fellowship event around campus and so he asked me to accompany him and help him with sticking up those posters. As an Economics student I had to have some kind of incentive in return for taking out my time and energy to help him. Being a close friend I was comfortable enough to make some kind of bargain with him and I found this as a perfect opportunity for me to have him help me out with my blog layout especially since his major lies in the field of Computing Science. I pitched him the idea and he gladly agreed and again he directed the opportunity towards doing something for God. It became something like a perfect alignment of agendas when he suggested that I should write a piece on 'Fighting Temptations' because it has been part of my new years resolution and it is also currently a Work-In-Progress. So I was very much delighted to offer my take on the subject of Temptations and the struggle to overcome it as I struggle against some of my weaknesses which is just as addictive as alcohol addiction and drug addiction. There are a lot of things out there which can be just as addictive and the struggle to fight all of them is similar and Real (with a Capital R!!).
When I was young my parents and my bible teachers gave me an outline of what immoral acts were so I know very well what I should and shouldn't be doing. Trust me I loved studying the bible and going to church when I was younger. Once my mother was preaching to me the promise of the after life and how some responsibilities involved in order for us to live in the after life. I was so excited that day and I told my mother that I will be a good kid from then on-wards and I will obey them (mum and dad) all the time because that was one of the biggest prerequisites to make it to Paradise (afterlife); to obey your parents at all times. But then I grew up and started to test everything around me. I became curious of what the alternative to being a good kid would be. That led to a troubled and dramatic teenage years marked by bad associations, developing of bad habits, loss of good habits and bad decisions. That dark time in my life involved a lot of stress, worry, headache and tears for me, my parents and other concerned parties involved. It was just bad like very bad. But then God has always been ready to answer my prayers and he miraculously pulled me out of that dark hole that was dragging me in it.
So what now? Did God's miraculous intervention change me to become the innocent child that I was. Haha! I would be lying if I told you yes. The road to salvation did not end there, I still carried remnants of that dark time and it seemed to have continued to grow stronger within me with age. However my will to fight was always on and I told myself that every incident was the last time. It is really hard to fight temptations when things that you are struggling to overcome are being glorified and glamorized in the media. Movies, Television shows, Music, Magazine, Websites, Books and Videos portraying alcoholism, violence, drugs, partying and sex as the way to live or the inn thing to do. I wont go any further with examples and just give a simple example; 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. It's just that bad out there and we need strength, wisdom and good level of discernment on what we want to associate ourselves in this life. These things are made to look like it's the necessity to being happy.
For the past few months I have determined for myself that living in sin is just not good for me. It does not make me happy! Do I have any doubts about that, well I'll be really crazy if I ever will. What good comes out of loose morals? Nothing good, just a life of emptiness and turbulence. We are basically swayed from this direction to that direction and we don't have any meaning in our life. So through all of this I determined for myself that change had to take place. I gave so much thought on the issue of change because I have to change my whole views, perspective and beliefs about life. One thing I knew that I had to was that I needed to be more in communication with God. I prayed to God and then little by little I made few adjustments. I know that the only solution to this problem of mine and the only key to happier life was to trust in God and to believe in him. I now believe that he is the key to happier and a more meaningful life.
I make it a point now to keep God in my thoughts always and to meditate on all his blessings in my life. Nowadays my music playlist is filled with Gospel songs. My current favorite gospel artist is Smokie Norful and I have been listening to all of his songs and it is amazing how much I relate to most of his songs and it's powerful lyrics. I guess that also raises another important point that is God's timing is always perfect. When we open our hearts to him he amazes us with blessings in our life. I have also tried to be very careful with what I watch and what I read. Nowadays I choose to read positive messages shared by Joel Osteen and watch him and Oprahs Super Soul Sunday videos on You Tube.
But then the problem is sometimes we fail and we Do It Again. We do that thing again.We may have been caught off guard, at the wrong place at the wrong time and our mind shuts down and we make that one slip up where we Do It Again. It can be quite disheartening and there is this feeling that we should just let go and do what is easier to do which is to quit fighting temptations and just embrace it. Should we give up? No! No! No! Do not give up, do not let go of God's hand (this is me also shouting at myself too). Remember once we give in and throw in the towel after that slip up the devil will come running in with his big horns and his cunning ugly smile and work with in us again, taking control of us making us live that old filthy life again. Sometimes it gets worse. It's often that one slip up after a long time of going without or resisting that opens up 2 paths; whether to continue in God's path or the Devil's path. Choose God's path. Click Refresh! Click Refresh! Click the Refresh option on fighting temptations.
Quickly renew the fight, direct our attention to God immediately, read his words in the bible and meditate on them. Do everything possible in God's eyes but just Don't Give Up! Let us take that small setback as an opportunity to further strengthen our relationship with God. Remember that my life and your life is a continuous Work-In-Progress so just allow God to continually work on us.
See even Joel Osteen says so. We are still a work in progress.
Let us continue putting our trust in God for he is the Greatest. Trust that when we give ourselves to the Lord Almighty he will takes us into incredible places in life and he will give us the contentment and happiness that we are seeking because he has promised us so.
I love this bible verse. A verse we can meditate on to renew our faith in God.
Another semester has ended. Its been an amazing one. I have to admit that I felt the power and the grace of God all the way. Well I am not perfect at all, not even a single bit and this semester has not been perfect at all...I am not complaining or trying to get people to sympathize over my situation. No I have never wanted people to sympathize over my sad stories, I always want to be seen as 'everything is good all the time'', but sometimes the physical appearance can say so much so aint no hiding right there. Gosh I cant even cry in front of people it's just too embarrassing for me.
Well I seem to have deviated long way from my original story. As a matter of fact I don't even have a structured plan or outline to what I want to share through this blog post because I am sick and tired of expectations and structure. I just want to pour it all out. Everything that has happened and all that is happening, I want to pour it all out. I cant promise Ill give all the raw truth (somethings are just meant to remain a secret because they are censored) but I promise to keep it real.
Something amazing happened few months ago. It was at the end of August. It was a surreal experience. I never expected in a million years that I would have experienced such a beautiful and breathtaking experience so early in my life. Every single time I get to take a look at those pictures from back then I am like WOW, did that really happen or was it just a dream. Seriously that experience was a breathtakingly amazing experience. I dont think I can say amazing enough to describe all those wonderful moments. I got to live out some of the dreams that I had and also some of those dreams that I never thought I had. To avoid being vague any further (I get told that I am so vague) and to be specific I got to travel for the first time abroad. I traveled to New Zealand and stayed in a very posh hotel opposite Auckland Airport (Novotel Hotel) and I got to roam around a bit in New Zealand soil. It was so cool, the weather was so cold. I never thought it was possible for an environment to be that cold when the sun is shining, I thought its gets cold to that extent when it snows.
Well there were few hiccups, minor ones that were quickly forgotten. One of the most unexpected amazing things that happened was that I got to meet my favorite New Zealand artists, I got to be in the same flight with them and I got to meet them again in the second destination; Samoa. I got to see them perform 2 times in Samoa, one was a brief private performance and the other one was a full concert. I loved that show, I was crying when my favorite song called 'I love you' was sung by one of my favorite New Zealand artist Aaradhna live. The song reminded me at that moment of my younger days and the many dreams that I use to have. Standing there seeing her performing that song Live got me crying because I never expected it and it felt so surreal at that moment.
The main reason behind my travel was to attend a Youth Leadership training that was held in Samoa. It was a huge was privilege and an honor to be a part of it. I learnt so much from that experience and I made great connections with all the other participants. The participants comprised of a single young person from each Pacific Island nation even including Australia and New Zealand. I still keep in touch with them. Its like now I have a friend in every island in the Pacific that I could holla at whenever I am in their Islands. We are all like connected now. Meeting the leaders of the Pacific personally, attending the SIDs Opening Ceremony was part of a category of the highlights. Another category of the highlights was the great experience of being on the Cruise Ship. The service and the food was amazing...It was Amazzzinnng! I will also never forget the crazy intoxicated nights on the cruise ship and off the cruise ship, woo I just get so breathless thinking about them, because they were just that too good. I loved the whole trip and I am greatful to the U.S Embassy for first of all choosing me and very importantly for the great once in a lifetime opportunity.
Posing for the camera with my favorite New Zealand artist, the very talented Aarahdna.
'The view!' of Samoa from the Deck in the Ship.
Sitting outside the Pacific Jewel Cruise Ship
Attending a dinner hosted by the Samoan Ambassador to China for some Chinese investors with my very good friend from Cook Island.
So once I came back from Samoa, it was back to reality for me. I never got too depressed after that as I initially thought I would. Well just a bit of heavy feelings here and there but nothing major. I dived back into life here at University and I got busier with school. I still do keep in contact with my new friends from Samoa. 2 of my Pacific Island friends that I made back in Samoa came to Fiji recently, they came to Fiji around the same time and I had a crazy time with them, we basically continued the great time that we were having in Samoa. I guess I am rest assured that Samoa never ended, because it was just the beginning of greater things to come.
Life continued and many fascinating things happened. I am now more determined to reach my goals and dreams. I now have a new form of assurance that I will eventually reach there because I have something called Faith. I may have gotten to loose control a bit but with a prayer made to God everything fell into place perfectly and strategically and also problems were fascinatingly solved. Through these miraculous experiences I learned many things like to never hold on too tight and never to carry a heavy load that you cant handle. If its heavy, it is heavy. You got to let go of few things and lighten your load. I am 21 years old and I am growing and I will continue growing.
I was never a fan of Alcohol and I certainly don't admire Alcoholics because my father was an alcoholic and there were a few bad experiences that reminds me of the ugly side of heavy alcohol consumption. I dreaded the taste of it, and even the smell of it.
As a University student it is a norm or a culture that you got to love alcohol and got to go out partying every weekend. So eventually I get to come into interaction with alcohol.My friends usually begged me to drink. They took pleasure in seeing me drink, they would usually go 'Please just one glass' and then once I manage to shove that one glass of alcahol down my throat they would insist on few more glasses until I am in the zone with them, DrUnK^^.....
I never saw drinking as a way to relieve stress, as a matter of fact I never really saw any benefit of drinking. However I did enjoy going out clubbing with my friends without the intention of getting drunk. I was always going for the sake of dancing, I love dancing. I love dancing in the club because the atmosphere is very conducive of acting crazy and dancing our hearts out. Another reason is that most people will be too drunk to remember what happened the previous night or maybe they might be too embarrassed of their own mishaps that they don't really care about how others were acting foolish.
It was just recently that I started experiencing a certain level of comfort and joy in drinking alcohol. Now I gulp the drink down without that yucky and dreadful feeling. I think it was during the end of a week long event that I actually developed this sense of appreciation acceptance towards alcohol. It was a very long and exciting week and I think I would have had a nervous breakdown if I didn't join my friends for a few drinks that night. During that drinking session I found great joy, comfort and happiness while sitting down, chatting and slowly getting intoxicated with every glass that I willingly accepted to drink. Many occasional drinks from then onward, I think I would say I have become tougher with holding my drinks, I don't cringe and make a disgust face now as I used to. However I think it is best to drink moderately in order to derive pleasure and relief from it and I will be very careful not to become an alcoholic. There are 2 things I try my best not to become; a slave to alcohol and a smoker of any kind of substance.
There has been many Epic experiences recently while being intoxicated, like this Birthday Wish I wrote to my friend in the Club. I was anxious about my Semester Results so after wishing my friend Happy Birthday, I asked her to "......Please pray for me!! I wanna graduate".
School has definitely been keeping me on my feet. Also the Extra Curricular responsibilities has also been taking much a huge proportion of my thinking and energy. It is tough to have to focus on school and also at the same time worrying over fulfilling other responsibilities. But I wont complain, I am seeing it as a challenge. A challenge to become an embodiment of my Icons and the following list is in the specific order in which I discovered them and fell in love with them; Beyonce, Tyra Banks, Eva Longoria, Halle Berry, Aishwariya Rai, Kerry Washington and the recent induction Charlize Theron. I admit that I want to be a combination of all these great women who fascinate me so much with their strength, intelligence, work ethics and humility.
I have been part of this Organisation called Rainbow Pride Foundation Limited and it is in its baby stages...It was recently launched this year as a Company Limited by Guarantee. It is a Not for Profit Organization that focuses on addressing and promoting the welfare of people from the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex and Queer (LGBTIQ) community. I am one of the Directors in the company, I am told that I was chosen because they wanted a good mix in the board of directors and so I happen to represent the youth population. I also happen to be assigned the Treasurers role because of my Finance background and the fact that other Directors have no experience in the business field. The first few tasks that were assigned to me, was to collect membership fees from all the current directors, create a youth wing for the organization and create a new bank account. How has the progress been with these assigned tasks....Big percentage away from completion. It may seem simple, but hell no its a lot of work that requires a lot of running around and very importantly resources. As much as I would like to do all this things to perfection, having scarce resources is one of the limitations that limits what I am capable of achieving. Today after my lecture which ended at 12pm I went to town to get started with the opening of a bank account. They told me to come again tomorrow with all the Original documents so as to formally start the process. To create a business bank account you will first have to have a Business search with a fee charged, so after your business gets approved than you can open a bank account. The amount of documents that is needed, wooo... alot, and I have to admit that I hate the process of collating documents. But I will manage..I think it will not be as hard as it seems, like many things, its usually the big technical names that scares people.
Hope to get all these things sorted out, so that I can wholesomely divert myself to my studies. By the way I have been consistent with my class attendance and tutorial participation. That reminds me...I have a tutorial in 2 minutes time. Ok then see you later.
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